Redemption
by Amanda N. Lupin
Summary: Love is friendship set ablaze. In increasingly dark times, and uncertain futures, two friends band together and discover something about themselves, and each other. But can it outlast betrayals and loss? Potentially canon & book faithful-so far.
1. A Not So Well Kept Secret

"Remus?" Damn, who would have thought Sirius Black would be allow himself to be seen in the library. "I'm hurt, mate," he continued, pulling out the chair beside him and turning it around to straddle it. Remus let out a soft sigh, making sure the ink was dry he shut his parchment in his book; there was no way he was going to get through his Transfiguration homework with him here. "You've been avoiding me." Remus didn't look up from the cover of _Transfiguration through the Ages_; he couldn't anymore than he could reply, he was absolutely right.

"James reckons you're just being flakey; I should leave you be, and you'll come around..." he continued. Remus managed to pick his head up, and slowly met the intense gray eyes that were boring into him. "Not having you around nagging me about homework gave me a lot of time to think about it though." Uh oh.

"You know I'm the first in my family to be put in Gryffindor, I'm rather proud of that. Slytherins: pureblood nutters, and loyal Voldemort supporters, the whole lot of them for generations. Even my brother, Regulus..." he added somewhat regretfully. "I always hoped he might defy the expectations of his old house." For the life of him, Remus couldn't begin to guess why Sirius was sharing this information with him, or where he was going with it. "Dad had the good grace to die when I was younger, my mother lives on out of spite, the old hag. I can't wait to get out of that place."

"Sirius, I don't understand,"

"You think if I didn't get some of the Black's good looks any of these girls that chase me would give a damn about me?" he asked curiously. " I'd have ever reason to hate the whole damn world, don't you think? Can't say as I was ever really nurtured or treated like a human being growing up, and the one thing I have going for me, is already in it's prime. Just the fact that I have any faith in the world and people in it is a bloody miracle."

"That's not your only redeeming quality, Sirius."

"And your being a werewolf, isn't damning to yours," he confided softly so students working at other tables wouldn't hear. "I was a little disappointed you didn't tell me. I thought on the train, the past couple weeks, we were becoming friends."

"I... We were. I just... I'm only here because Dumbledore...I..." he spluttered.

"It's alright mate, I get it; I don't go around telling just anyone about my family history. Just tell me something. What were you going to do? Would you have been distant with me every full moon, or were you going to drop me completely? You must have known I would figure it out eventually."

"I don't know," he admitted, Remus dodged his eyes, feeling small.

"So, the library 'hun?"

"Can't say as I honestly expected you to follow me here," Sirius chuckled.

"I don't reckon anyone saw me coming in here, those Ravenclaws are still staring. Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm still here, mate," he said softly. "I'll still be here, after the moon... You were bitten by a monster, that doesn't make you one. I know what monsters are, you aren't one of them, mate, and if, well... If you're interested in hanging out with a degenerate like me, I'd still like to be your friend. I think James and Peter would too, if you give them a chance." Remus didn't know what to say. He was quiet, certainly, but rarely inarticulate, but here he was at a loss. He smiled, scooting his chair over, brushing his tremendous stack of books aside.

"Need any help with your essay for McGonagall?"

"But that's not due 'till Monday, mate!" Sirius exclaimed surprised, before he was shushed by Madame Pince.

"I plan on being, em, indisposed this weekend."

"Right, sorry, mate," he blanched blushing slightly. "Maybe if I get an O, McGonagall will go easy on me in detention."

"You have a detention, already?"

"Haven't been caught, yet," he winked conspiratorially. Remus laughed as the other boy pulled his chair closer and up to the table.


	2. Birthdays and Flashbacks

"Happy birthday Moony,"

"Sirius! What are you doing here?" Remus attempting to sit up before flinching and lying back down in the infirmary bed. Sirius quickly stood, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Easy, mate. Came to visit you of course, you great git. Now settle down before you do some kind of further damage and Pomphrey kicks me out of the place."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Give me a minute."

"Sirius?"

"Just a tick," he repeated, "There. Midnight, now it's official. I get to be the first one to say it, happy birthday mate," the marauder grinned.

"Ever the competitive one aren't we? I suppose James is right behind you then? And Peter."

"Nah, they sent me to be the ambassador of well wishes. They needed their beauty sleep, whereas I'm already a handsome bugger," Remus chuckled softly, and managed a weak grin. Sirius smiled.

Sirius loved making Remus laugh or smile, for this sandy-haired boy, and only for Remus he could be a morning person. He could wait up all night for the werewolf to let his friend return to him, just to be the first one to tell him good morning, to see how he was doing, the first to coax a post-transformation laugh or smile from him. He wouldn't trade the job for anything in the world.

"So," Sirius began excitedly. "Don't you want to know what your present is?" Remus was exhausted, transformations always drained him as nothing else could, but Sirius was always there the moment he woke in the hospital wing he would find Sirius waiting for him in a chair at his bedside. Remus wanted little more than to sleep some more, but Sirius was clearly proud and excited about this year's gift.

"Alright Sirius, what is it?" Remus blinked, staring transfixed at the spot where a moment before his friend had been and a great black dog now stood. He wagged his tail energetically and almost seemed to smile up at him. He was beautiful, with startlingly bright silver-blue eyes. Like Sirius' eyes, he thought smiling softly.

"Sirius we aren't allowed pet dogs, you know that," Remus whispered softly looking around the room for the other boy. The black dog whined softly, before beginning to lick the boys dangling fingers. "I can't keep you, he knows that," Remus whispered so as not to alert Madam Pomphrey of their additional guest. Damnit Sirius, why get a present like this you know I can't keep, Remus thought sadly.

He'd wanted a dog since he was a boy. And one not so extraordinary day his father came home with a small puppy for he and his sister to take care of. A guilt present for his many and extended absences, though both children were too young to understand it then. All they had known was that they finally had the puppy they had always wanted.

They were taking Snuffles, because Remus let his sister name the pup, for a walk on the edge of the woods when it had happened. Snuffles was the first victim, then his sister. Greyback wasted no time in snapping the pup's neck when he stood between him and the two young children. Remus stood in front of Isabella and yelled for her to run, but she was frozen in terror to the spot, sobbing over their now limp dog. But of course a seven-year old boy was no match for an psychotic, adult werewolf. Greyback hoisted his scrawny, kicking, writhing, and screaming body into the air, and held him there, made him watch, as he mauled his younger sister.

It had almost been a relief when Greyback finally turned his attention back to him, and slammed his body against a tree. Remus felt all of the oxygen knocked out of his lungs, and his world becoming black. He would die here. In these woods. He would be with Isabella and Snuffles soon. The last thing Remus would see before blacking out was a large, gleaming pair of brown eyes, and Greyback's teeth.

The pain when he awoke had been excruciating. Not only from the gashes that nearly tore his chest open, and the profusely bleeding bite between shoulder and collar, but that he had awoke at all. He was alive. Had he not known the body beside him was his sister, he would never have been able to identify her. He was alive. Why? Why him?

Shaking his head and returning to the present, Remus seized the great black dog in front of him, hugging him fiercely to his bandaged chest, ignoring the pain of his recent injuries, crying softly into the dog's soft fur.

"Remus," Sirius asked tentatively. Whatever reaction he had expected, it certainly hadn't been this. Remus jumped backward, suddenly realizing that his hands were entangled in long wavy black hair rather than fur, and the dog he had been hugging so fiercely had changed back into his friend.

"Bloody hell! Sirius," Remus asked stunned, letting his hands fall from the young boy's hair.

"Remus I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't... I thought... What's the matter? What did I do? Who's Snuffles?" At this last question Remus was embarrassed to find a great sob escaped him, and he buried his face in his pillow. "Remus, please talk to me," Sirius pleaded softly, taking the hand he had not buried under the pillow and gently squeezing it.

Acutely aware that if the boy's crying alerted Madam Pomphrey he had so distressed her charge that he would be kicked out Sirius quickly cast a silencing spell around the bed, before softly crawling up beside his distraught friend. It was some time before Remus finished crying, and even longer before he pulled his face from the pillow and turned to face him, but Sirius waited.

"Sorry," Remus whispered softly, avoiding his eyes.

"Nothing to be sorry for, mate."

"So, when did you... How did you?"

"Been working on it for awhile mate, thought maybe you could use some company during your transformations," he smiled. Remus' astonishment dropped in a second.

"No," Remus replied reflexively. "No. No. Absolutely not."

"Remus,"

"Sirius, isn't it bad enough the rules you are already breaking? I'm assuming you're unregistered. You could go to Azkaban," he continued when the other boy continued to ignore him. "I could hurt you Sirius," he added a little softer still.

"Better than hurting yourself," Sirius replied quickly, but Remus shook his head.

"No it isn't. Sirius I could never live with myself. What if I really hurt you? What if I turned you Sirius, then what?"

"So what, you deserve being locked up in that shack all night all by yourself, hurting yourself, because they won't let you out, then?"

"Yes."

"Bullocks to that. Your wolf needs space, air... He might not hurt himself if he could just get out, and..."

"Or he might get completely out of control and seriously hurt, or kill somebody Sirius."

"We'd be there to keep him in check."

"We?"

"James, Pete, and me."

"They're in on this too?"

"Course they are. They'll be furious I showed you first, but I was too excited. We'll be safer, we can't be with you if we're humans."

"You can't be with me at all Sirius, it's too dangerous."

"Bull-"

"It's not."

"Is."

"Sirius, I'm a werewolf. I've been a werewolf long before we met, and I'll still be one long after..."

"Oy, you planing on ditching me?"

"No, but sooner or later, when you realize that werewolves don't make for good pet projects, that you can't fix me..." Sirius shook his head.

"And they say you're the smart one of the gang. Remus, I'm not going any damn place without you."

"You can't fix me Sirius."

"Of course I can't fix you, you're not broken. The sooner you stop thinking of yourself that way the easier my job as your best mate becomes."

"You can't protect me Sirius."

"I can try."

"Don't."

"Give me one good reason why not."

"People that protect me wind up dead," he whispered softly. "I can't lose you too."

"Never gonna happen, mate. Only the good die young, how'd you think my mum lives on?" Remus laughed in spite of himself, slugging Sirius softly in the shoulder. "Remus," Sirius whispered softly. "Who's Snuffles."

"He was my dog. When I was younger."

"I didn't know you had a dog."

"My sister named him..." Remus shuddered. He'd never told anybody but his father and mother, and Dumbledore the story of what had happened in those woods, and being turned into a werewolf. Sirius sat uncharacteristically still, and listened patiently without interruption. Instinctively, as only another survivor of great damage could, Sirius knew Remus didn't want his pity or tears.

"Alright, let's get something straight right now. You aren't gonna be calling me Snuffles around the other guys," Remus laughed. "Because I'll never hear the end of it, if you do."

"I mean it Sirius, you can't come with me."

"Try and stop me."

Remus did. For the first few transformations the boy always put up a fight, telling him to stay away, saying all manner of terrible things to send him and the others away, but Sirius, true to his words their first year wasn't going anywhere. And while he continued to fight it, would have vehemently denied it, after the first transformation with the black dog at his side, free to run about and wander the castle grounds, even play, after waking with few new injuries and a great deal more energy than usual, Remus didn't want Sirius to go anywhere.


	3. Breaking up Isn't so Hard to Do

Stop it, you're making a right git of yourself Padfoot, the young marauder thought to himself, shaking his head, and turning away from the sandy haired boy who was busily working on writing his transfiguration essay. Like I should be, he thought scowling. McGonagall will have your hide if you don't have the essay finished after that last dud you turned in. Maybe Remus could help me to write it... No, he scolded himself again. Sirius let out a heavy sigh before shoving all his books back into his bag and retreating to the safety and solitude of the dormitory, ignoring the hurt expression on the younger boy's face at his sudden departure.

This had to stop, whatever "this" was, Sirius thought. In the first place the whole thing was ridiculous. Impossible. He was dating Amelia Bones, one of the most beautiful girls in school, and nearly all the others-available or vouched for besides were at his disposal. And more importantly Sirius wasn't gay. He couldn't be. He just couldn't be. His family had already disowned him for having the audacity to be sorted into Slytherin's rival house. Even Hufflepuff might have been preferable with "the lot." He certainly didn't feel very brave right now. Perhaps the hat had chosen wrongly...

Snivelus was behind it, he had to be. This must be penance for turning his robes into a technicolored dream-coat. What had he drunk that Snivelus might have tampered with?

But somewhere in the recesses of his mind a little unbidden voice spoke up, but could Snape have consistently poisoned him with some such potion? Because afterall it wasn't as if this was the first time he'd caught himself staring at his handsome housemate.

Enough, he thought tossing his bag onto the bed frustratedly. This was ridiculous. Impossible. He wasn't gay. He was going to see Amelia. Sirius turned around and found himself nearly nose to nose with none other than the boy haunting his thoughts.

A moment and drawn breath later, the each took a step back. "Sirius, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," the dark-haired boy snapped, pulling his eyes away from Moony's, but not fast enough to miss the disappointment. Damn him, Sirius thought frustratedly.

Remus ran a hand through his hair. A nervous tick. An adorable nervous tick, Sirius thought.

"Sirius," The sandy-haired boy tried again.

Remus knew it wouldn't do any good. Knew the moment Sirius had left the common room in a huff that the dark-haired boy would shut down, and shut him out. For the life of him Remus couldn't understand why. They had become so close, damn near inseparable since the marauders had secretly become animagi to keep him company during his transformations. Now he seemed Kilometers away.

Remus collapsed onto his four poster with a heavy sigh Sirius had fled, probably to see Amelia. Remus supposed it was the way of things, that it was as it should be, Sirius would go to his girlfriend with his troubles. Maybe he was finally retiring his lady-killer reputation, perhaps he was serious about Amelia Bones. Remus didn't like it though he couldn't have immediately said why. Afterall, Amelia was a nice enough girl, they had all been friends before the pair had started seeing one another.. He had thought at first he was nervous that Sirius would muck up the relationship as he seemed inept at doing, and the marauders would lose their friendship with the Ravenclaw girl, but it was more than that, he thought staring up at the ceiling. Remus found himself wishing he was the one Sirius ran to when he was upset, hurt, or heartbroken, not shutting him out. He was in love with him, he realized sitting upright with a jolt.

He, Remus Lupin, was in love with his best mate, fellow marauder, and Hogwarts' resident playboy Sirius Black. Bugger. Now what?

...

"Amelia," Sirius repeated stunned.

"I'm sorry Sirius, but I just can't do this anymore."

"You're breaking up with me?"

"Sirius, I think we both knew it was never going to work. I'm not saying that it wasn't fun, but were you ever really happy with me?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"A fair one I think, and you can forget laying the charm on me, we were friends first, I know your playbook." Sirius stood gaping, he'd never been dumped before.

"Is there somebody else?"

"Yes," Amelia replied softly. Sirius' head shot up, he hadn't actually expected her to say yes.

"Who?" Sirius asked, he was surprised to hear relief and curiosity rather than anger or jealousy in his voice. She was dating him, shouldn't this be upsetting to him? A crushing blow to his ego? Not that he couldn't use it being deflated a bit, or at least so said Remus...

"Remus."

"Lupin," Sirius ejaculated jumping out of his reverie to stare at her absolutely gobsmacked. That couldn't be.

"Do you know another one?"

"But Remus is... he's..."

"Gay," Amelia finished nodding. "Sirius, let's stop pretending before somebody gets hurt. You're in love with him. Don't worry I haven't told anyone," she added seeing his terrified expression.

"I'm not gay," Sirius replied immediately.

"Sirius, in all the years I've known you, you were never without a girlfriend, but none of them ever lasted long. The moment they got close, the minute they start asking questions about Remus..."

"You know-"

"Yes," Amelia interrupted cutting him short before he could start. "But I think we both know this is about more than just covering for his 'furry-little problem.' What are you really running from Sirius? What are you really afraid of?"

"I'll ruin everything," Sirius whispered softly.

"Why?"

"James and Peter, they'll... And Remus... Remus... He won't..." Sirius collapsed into the chair beside Amelia unable to articulate long enough to finish a sentence, bombarded by frantic and furious thoughts.

"Sirius," Amelia whispered softly, taking his hand and squeezing gently. "James and Peter, they know that Remus is gay?"

"I dunno. I mean, we all suspected, but I don't know that he told either of them. He never talks about it in front of them."

"Fine, well you all suspected. Did that change anything? Did Peter or James stop hanging around or talking to Remus afterwards? Did they treat him any differently than before they started to suspect something?"

"No, but..."

"So then why should it be any different with you, Sirius? They love you both. Now what was that about Remus?"

"I... I can't tell him."

"That you're gay, or that you're in love with him?"

"You know."

"But you should say it out loud," Amelia encouraged softly.

"Why?"

"Because it's true, and because you need to hear yourself say it."

"I can't tell Remus that Iminlovewithhim, alright?" Sirius whispered frantically looking around the deserted library for eavesdroppers.

"What was that?"

"I can't tell Remus that I'm bloody in love with him! Satisfied?" Sirius asked frustratedly. Thank Merlin the library was entirely deserted.

"Yes. Now, why can't you tell Remus that you're in love with him?"

"I'll ruin everything," Sirius repeated miserably.

"How do you figure?"

"How do you not," Sirius asked studying her incredulously. "Remus already beats himself up for being a werewolf."

"Something he can't change and doesn't have any control over."

"Exactly! What's he supposed to do when I tell him I'm love with him."

"He could love you back," she shrugged softly.

"No he couldn't," Sirius shot down immediately. "If he said yes it would only be because he felt sorry for me. It'd be a slow sinking ship, and we'd never be the same friends again afterwards."

"You really think that he would do that to you, that doesn't sound like Remus to me at all." Sirius shook his head.

"Nah, he wouldn't. He'd feel badly, and find some gentle, molly-coddling way to telling me it was flattering, but he didn't believe he was beautiful, and he's not in love with me. Then it'd be awkward as ass, maybe even too painful for me to see him anymore. I'd single-handedly be responsible for ruining the whole group dynamics."

"But Sirius, you won't ever know what could be between you two, or how Remus really feels unless you talk to him about it."

"That's could be's. Possibilities. Maybes. Uncertainties. He's my best mate, that is a certainty."

"Is that enough," Amelia asked softly, boring right into his eyes. Sirius didn't say it, couldn't say it, but the shout of "never" was written all over his face. "You might rethink the gamble Sirius, I think your odds are a lot better than you think."


	4. Betrayal

Sirius didn't return to the common room after he left Amelia in the library. Instead the marauder found himself wandering the halls without much thought for where his feet carried him. he found himself instinctively in front of a portrait of a bowl of fruit, but without any appetite, and with a heavy sigh turned and headed back up the stairs.

He was on his way up to the Astronomy tower, like every other love-sick loser, he thought bitterly, when he heard footsteps behind him. Quickly picking up speed he began trying doors for a place to duck into and hide. Quite without meaning to he found he had walked in a circle, before spotting a large door he was sure had not been there before. With the footsteps closing in, there was no time to be cautious, Sirius flung himself through the door, and quickly and quietly shut it behind him, before collapsing against it.

"And what could Hogwart's pretty boy be doing wandering the corridors at night without his entourage?"

Sirius jumped, at first he thought perhaps he had been caught by the pair of footsteps that were tailing him, but suddenly a tall, lanky body stepped out of the shadowy corner.

"Snape."

"Black," Severus replied sounding every bit as displeased. "Can't you find your own broom closet to hide in?"

"Shut it Snivelus, I'll be out of here as soon as whoever was tailing me disappears. Anyway what are you doing in here?"

"Are you sure it's a professor you're hiding from, I could swear I saw your other half wandering the halls looking for you."

"Amelia?"

"Lupin," Snape replied cooly.

"Remus was looking for me?"

"He apologized in advanced for any pranks or bullying in the off-chance you had already run into me. Must be nice to have someone to clean up after you. Your own little house-elf here at school."

"I said shut it Snape," Sirius growled, his left hand curling into a fist while the other reached for his wand.

"Or what," Severus dared, taking another step forward and pushing Sirius against the door once more. "You so much as point your wand at me Black, and I'll tell the nearest professor I can find about you and your gang's night excursions. There's something there, and make no mistake I will figure it out."

"Think pretty highly of yourself don't you Snivelus, wouldn't have anything to do with your new entourage of upper-classman would it? Malfoy, McNair..."

"Your cousin."

"Bellatrix is a psychotic bitch." Snape smirked slightly.

"I'll be sure to tell her you said so."

"You do that." Sirius strained to listen for the footsteps outside, they seemed to have disappeared.

"You know Snivelus, you're going to be in a world of hurt if you don't learn to keep that big nose out of other people's business, but if you wanna poke the knot on the whomping willow and follow us tomorrow that's your own damn business," Sirius spat, throwing open the door, and quietly making his way back to the common room

...

"Remus," Sirius pleaded, knocking on the door. Sirius sucked in a breath as the door opened, but it was only a dejected looking James.

"He doesn't want to see you, Sirius. We all hate Snape, but you could have gotten him killed. You could have had us all expelled. Remus might have gone to Azkaban. What in the name of Merlin were you thinking of?"

"I wasn't," Sirius replied loudly in case Remus was listening through the door. "I didn't think about it. I know I buggered everything. I was upset, and I couldn't think straight, and I ran into him trying to duck a professor. I screwed up." The door which had creaked open slightly, revealed a terribly disheveled and heartbroken looking Remus. "I screwed up," he said softly, turning to meet his tear-filled Amber eyes. "Remus I know I don't deserve it, but please let me in, just hear me out. No excuses, I know I can't fix it. Remus, I'm so sorry," Sirius pleaded.

"I'm sorry Sirius, but I... I can't. Not now," Remus replied tearfully, shutting the door again. James shook his head and grabbing a very helpless looking Peter, whispered something about going to get some air, and maybe visit the kitchens.

Sirius felt the tears he'd been fighting break the dam and overflow. There was no stopping them now, Sirius couldn't have now if he tried. Remus would never forgive him now. Would probably never speak to him again. Would certainly never love him, if ever there had been a chance of that before. After James had stopped Snape in the tunnel, and rescued him from the werewolf, they had all been sent to Dumbledore's office where they were admonished and punished. Remus spent the first transformation in nearly a year, alone and trapped in the shack. He had hurt himself. The wolf often lashed out when he was not allowed the freedom to run around. The three thin scars that ran the length of Remus' beautiful face would be with him the rest of his life. It wouldn't matter if Remus ever let him in that room, if he ever forgave him. Sirius would never be able to forgive himself for this.

It was a few days, and several uncomfortably quiet nights lying in their four posters, neither speaking before the silence was broken.

"James said you and Amelia broke up," Remus broached softly, as Sirius was reaching for the bacon plate at breakfast.

"Yeah," Sirius replied uncertainly, his hand dropping away from the food, not sure that he was hungry anymore, his nerves seemed to be turning his stomach into knots.

"Is that what you were upset about?"

Sirius froze. What was he supposed to say? All that time trying to get into that room, just to talk to him, and he hadn't any idea what he was going to say to him. Had never rehearsed anything. It sounded stupid, and wouldn't have been truthful to say that he was upset simply because he had broken up with Amelia. There wasn't a bit of animosity or resentment between them, but how could he talk about what had really upset him, and continued to plague him now as he stared across the table into Remus' Amber eyes. They seemed to pierce right through him, searching his very soul for the answer, an explanation.

"Sirius?"


	5. I Hate You

"Sirius," The sandy-haired boy tried once more.

"Hullo, Earth to Padfoot," James said, chucking a piece of toast at his catatonic friend's head, hitting the boy square in the face. Pulling himself from his terrified reverie, gray eyes met amber ones.

"Remus, I..." Sirius tried. "Could we talk about it later," he pleaded softly.

"You've been waiting for days to talk to me, and now you want to talk about it later," Remus asked studying the boy across the table with a confused and hurt expression Sirius couldn't bring himself to face.

"Please," Sirius asked nearly inaudibly.

"No."

"Remus," Sirius begged, "not here, please."

"No," Remus repeated, his resolve weakening looking into the boy's watery gray eyes. "Sirius, there's absolutely nothing you could say that's going to fix this, but you owe me an explanation. I'd like to hear it now, not whenever it's convenient for you."

"Remus you don't know what you're asking me."

"I'm asking for an apology, and an explanation. I don't think that's too much to ask."

"Please, trust me."

"Sirius, it's because all of this happened that I can't trust you right now. Now if you want to change that, I suggest you start by telling me what in the name of Merl-"

Remus stopped mid-sentence with a groan, pulling back, clutching his head where Sirius had collided with his.

"Bugger," Sirius cursed, shaking his head. Not the smoothest move he'd ever done.

"Wha-" the sandy-haired boy began again confused, but Remus never managed to finish that thought either, before a recovered Sirius had nearly thrown himself across the table once more to reach the other boy. Sirius felt his elbow upset the bowl of biscuits, but he couldn't care. Couldn't care that James was staring at the pair of them mouth gaping, anymore than the fact that Peter was choking on his pumpkin juice. He was snogging the only person on Earth that mattered.

Remus froze. He was dreaming. He had to be. There was no way Sirius Black was kissing him. Sirius pulled away reluctantly, looking carefully into the wide amber eyes that stared back at him in shock. Bullocks, what had he just done?

The next thing either boy was aware of was a rising gale of laughter from the other end of the table. Remus flushed scarlet. He knew it, knew it wasn't possible. This wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. The entire table was having a wonderful laugh at his expense. Pitiful, sad, little, queer werewolf thought a boy like Sirius Black could have feelings for you? Tears burned, threatening to spill over as he jumped from the table as though it had suddenly shocked him, the laughter from the other house tables and students who had seen the altercation still echoing.

"Remus," Sirius croaked, voice trembling.

"Fuck you," Remus whispered trembling, nails biting into his palms as fists trembled. "I hate you, Sirius Black. I hate you," the young boy swore rushing from the Great Hall and the many eyes that watched him.

"You tosser," James shouted. "What in the name of Merlin was that about, Sirius? Are you mad? You didn't need to do a damn thing you stupid mutt. All you had to say was that you were sorry, and he would have forgiven the worst imaginable thing you could do. What on Earth made you think it'd be a good opportunity for a laugh?"

"It wasn't even funny," Peter threw in softly, looking quite as helpless as usual when there was an upset amongst the four of them.

"I wasn't TRYING to be funny," Sirius wailed, jumping from the table and rushing after the younger boy. "Remus, Remus!"

Sirius could not have said what possessed him some minutes before that persuaded him the best course of action could only be to kiss him and remove all doubt. But of course, that hadn't removed anything, but Remus' company, and no desperate chanting or shouts of his name seemed to slow his race to the doors and his escape. He had to catch him. But just as soon as the thought to bolt after him occurred to him, a crack and electric shock shot through his spine, and he felt himself painfully fall to the stone floor, and saw McGonagall standing over him.

"Mr. Black, I don't know what injustice Mr. Lupin has supposedly done to you, but you have officially exhausted my patience for your shenanigans. Perhaps you would care to explain that display tonight in detention. My office 9 O'Clock. And you would do well not to be late to my class this morning and make it two nights."

He should have seen that one coming, Sirius cursed mentally, waiting for someone to undo the charm and let him up. It was an unsaid truth that Remus was a favorite of most of the staff, McGonagall in particular. But what else could he have done. Moony had literally been asking for it, although to be fair he hadn't really known what he was asking. I did try to warn him, Sirius thought darkly, groaning and rubbing his head as a first-year removed the charm so he could sit up.

...

"Remus?"

"Go away Sirius," the young boy snapped without a backward glance.

"He's still in the Great Hall, McGonagall hit him with Petrificus Totalis I think."

"Sorry Amelia," Remus corrected stopping and turning to face her.

"Don't be, no reason to be."

"He's such a git," he yelled frustratedly, hands curling into fists. Amelia nodded softly.

"McGonagall's livid."

"Good."

"She gave him a detention."

"He deserves it."

"Maybe."

"What in Merlin's name do you mean maybe?" Amelia shrugged, and Remus felt another wave of anger and frustration wash over him. "How can you say maybe, you saw what he did in the Great Hall, didn't you?"

"He kissed you," Amelia replied simply.

"In front of everybody at breakfast!"

"He did ask to talk to you later."

"So that's justification for having a go at me, humiliating me on purpose, because I didn't give the great Sirius Black what he wanted?"

"Not at all, I would never excuse anybody who I thought was purposely trying to hurt you. Remus, I don't blame you, you were upset, but you didn't see him when the two of you weren't talking. He was lost. Inconsolable. He didn't think you were ever going to speak to him again."

"He'd have deserved it."

"He made a mistake. He's made many. He absolutely can be a git, quite a bit of the time, but he never meant to hurt you."

"How can you say that after what he just..." Remus spluttered.

"I can't," Amelia admitted truthfully. "Remus, I know you're hurt, and I know he's being a total git, and selfishly I just want my friends back and getting along, but promise me you'll think about one thing for me?"

"What," Remus snapped a little harsher than he'd meant to.

"He wasn't laughing with everybody else."


	6. Silent Treatment

He was certain he'd pay for it later, skiving classes so soon after the full moon, but it couldn't be helped. Remus couldn't imagine going to class and sitting anywhere near him, fielding his apologies, or seeing his pitiful forgive-me-face. He couldn't focus. Sirius Black had kissed him. Could there be any worse hell, any greater prank, or method of torture? He couldn't have meant it as anything more. He was mocking, and he didn't even know it.

Remus was nowhere to be found when Sirius entered the Transfiguration classroom. McGonagall seemed to notice the boy's search, and cleared her throat sharply indicating he take his seat. Remus didn't turn up to any of the rest of the day's courses either, a fact which a good deal of the students from breakfast seemed to take note, and whisper fervently about. Some even going so far as to congratulate Sirius on his ingenious prank, before he snapped at them to go away.

Dinner, if anything was even worse. Remus had moved himself further down the table to settle himself between Peter and Lily, was eating slowly, and talking softly with the pair of them, never once looking down the table towards the other boy who stared hopelessly on.

Damn him. All through dinner, Remus could feel the dark-haired boy's eyes boring into him. He couldn't, he simply couldn't look down towards him. But Remus refused to rush his way through dinner. He wouldn't make himself sick on his account, it was bad enough he was forcing himself to eat. He couldn't remember a time when he'd felt less hungry, even the chocolate pudding wasn't appealing to him, but not eating it would only have made Lily worry worse. Already the redhead was shooting deathly glares down the table towards him. James for his part in an attempt to curry her good favor, had joined in the party of alternately glaring and shunning Sirius.

Remus dropped his gaze to his plate, and stealthily glanced through sandy-haired bangs towards the boy in spite of himself. He looked positively miserable. Nearly as tormented as Remus felt. It should have made him feel happy, at least somewhat better about the prank. What he shouldn't be feeling is sorry for his tormentor. He wasn't supposed to feel bad for Sirius, no matter how pitiful or lonely he appeared to be. And yet he couldn't help himself from it. It didn't matter what he'd said, didn't matter what Sirius did-how colossally he screwed up and made a complete prat of himself. Remus loved him, was in love with him, would continue to love him to his last breath. What on Earth had he done to deserve getting himself into this mess?

...

Why? Why was it so damned difficult to just apologize, and forget the whole thing? What in the name of Merlin had he been thinking of? Kissing Remus? In front of everybody in the Great Hall? Good job, Sirius, good job, the dark haired boy thought darkly as he continued to polish the trophies. If he didn't hate your filthy, crazy, pureblooded guts before, he certainly does now. You just outed, or at least sparked the rumor-mill about your best friend's sexual preferences in front of the entire school.

It was difficult to say whether his own previous and fictionalized womanizer reputation would negate his kissing his best, and very male friend, but Sirius was sure there would be a Howler awaiting him at breakfast tomorrow morning. Keeping company with a Potter, Mud and Half-bloods was shameful enough, snogging one of these degenerates, even in jest was sure to result in his being disinherited at the very least. The comfortable life and lie that Sirius Black had spent the last 16 years living was about to come to an abrupt and ugly end. Worst of all he wouldn't have anything to show for it.

He might have been able to withstand the embarrassment of the Howler, being stripped of everything down to his very name, if he had Moony, but he'd managed to muck that up too. He had to be the biggest git that ever walked the Earth, he thought angrily; nearly knocking the Quidditch trophy he was polishing over amidst furious scrubbing. Not only did he not love him, Remus had said he hated him. Twice.

He hadn't come to classes, but if dinner was any indication of things to come Sirius could expect more of the same painful silences, the glares from the rest of the group. Briefly he wondered if any of them would be awake when he had completed his task of making the trophies shiny enough to see his reflection, before it occurred to him that it wouldn't really matter. The situation wasn't likely to have improved any with the few hours that he was absent. It might even have become worse, festered. What would happen with the full moon? Surely Moony wouldn't want him with him now, and how could he blame him? But how could he not be there with him?

…

Remus cursed. Skiving classes so soon after missing two days for the moon was not one of his more brilliant ideas, he would be up all night working on catching up. How long would it take to polish the floor and all of the trophies in the trophy room? The sandy-haired marauder kept staring at the clock as though it would suddenly yield an answer, provide him with the knowledge of the magical hour in which he needed to disappear to his four-poster and pretend to be asleep in order to avoid his one-time best friend, and current tormentor.

It was no good. Remus was quite certain that he'd spent at least the last half-hour staring at the same passage in his potions book, and not absorbed any of it. He couldn't help it.

His mind kept going back over everything in high speed, grasping at straws and searching desperately for something, anything that he might have done that would have inspired Sirius to pull any sort of prank on him, let alone something like this; there must have been something. Perhaps telling Snape had been no accident either…

No whatever had happened Remus couldn't believe that Sirius would have betrayed his secret on purpose. He had had ample opportunities to do so before, and always stuck his neck out for him, and jumped on anyone who said anything remotely unkind towards him before.

James and Peter had long since left him to his own devices after finding that neither bad-mouthing, nor making excuses for the absentee and reckless marauder were met with any enthusiasm. And slowly, as the clock marched ever onward, the common room became steadily quieter and more empty, until the sandy-haired boy was the only one left.

With a heavy sigh and the determination that he would instead wake earlier tomorrow to work on the classwork and homework he needed to catch up, he closed up his books and moved to sit beside the fire. Perhaps he would sleep in and forgo tomorrow afternoon's trip to Hogsmeade instead. He couldn't imagine it would be the same without Sirius anyway, he thought miserably, another heavy sigh escaping him.

Yesterday it seemed he had realized he was in love with him, that it had always been Sirius, his handsome, dark-haired best friend. Yesterday, however fanciful, he could pretend, believe in the completely ridiculous and improbable possibility that Sirius might feel something similar. How could it be that a kiss, something he had imagined, hoped, dreamed of for Merlin knew how long, could shatter it all?

It would never be the same. He knew that. But what he wouldn't give to just pretend that none of this had happened. To go back to what they had had before. Just forget the whole morning. It was wrong. Sirius had screwed up; worse than ever before. Remus did deserve an apology, but if only he had a time-turner. If only he'd known that asking would mean losing him, maybe an apology wasn't so important anyway.

Pathetic, Remus thought shaking his head, staring unseeing into the flames in front of him. He just wanted to talk to him again. Not awkward, not uncomfortable, not angry. Just talk about his latest ideas for pranks, what they were going to do when they were finally free of this place, joke about their professors… Would they ever be able to again?


	7. Sleep with Me?

It was late and surprisingly quiet for a Friday evening when Sirius finally clambered his way back through the portrait and into the Gryffindor common room. If he never saw that damn trophy room again, it wouldn't be such a terrible thing, he thought darkly scowling. Maybe he didn't want to distinguish himself for the Gryffindor chaser afterall; although if that meant that future Slytherins had to buff his name…

He had thought the room was completely deserted , until his eyes lit upon a small figure huddled near the grate, wrapped in a thin tartan blanket. Sandy blonde wisps he would know anywhere, brought an irresistible smile to his face. Remus seemed to have fallen asleep beside the fire, his abandoned books and parchment having taken over the majority of the chess table.

Sirius wondered if that had been his intention, or one of his housemates had been the one to wrap him in a blanket. There was something beautiful about the scene laid out in front of him. Remus' sleeping face bore none of the silent anxieties or insecurities that graced his waking face for those that paid enough attention to see it. Everything that plagued his waking hours must have been far away now.

Softly, and careful not to disturb his slumber, Sirius swept a careful hand down to brush sandy hair from his forehead. Fingertips lingered longer than necessary on his cheek as he tucked the strands gently behind the boy's ear.

He looked peaceful, innocent, and carefree curled into himself beside the dying embers, and immediately Sirius felt a wash of regret he hadn't seen him so often enough.

He hated the idea of waking him, but surely he would be far more comfortable sleeping and waking in his own bed. Sirius wracked his brain for a way in which he might move him without disturbing him, but it was out of the question, he'd always been rubbish at levitating spells. He'd probably concuss him as soon as carry him safely up to his four-poster.

"Remus," Sirius tried softly, a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder prodding him. Arms slowly immerged from beneath the blanket as the sandy-haired boy yawned, blinking through bleary eyes, and stretching, pushed the blanket off of his shoulders as he set up.

Still sleepy amber eyes slowly came to focus on the boy kneeling beside him, for a moment, Sirius was sure he was imagining it, but Remus smiled.

Choosing not to question whatever providence had brought the tender smile to his friend's face, Sirius continued with his original purpose, picking up the blanket and taking it under one arm, before returning to the still sleepily smiling boy. He couldn't be fully conscious, couldn't possibly be smiling at him. He was furious, hated him, not that Sirius could blame him for it.

"Your bed is a lot more comfortable than the floor," Sirius stumbled awkwardly. Remus managed a slight and sleepy nod with another protracted yawn.

"Do you need any help up?" Sirius supposed that Remus was fully capable of finding his way up the stairs to the dormitory, or waking later when he would be, but Remus took the hand the other boy hadn't even offered yet, and stood creakily staring at him expectantly.

"Umm," Sirius choked uncertainly, looking around the room. "I guess we can leave your books down here until tomorrow," he decided aloud. Remus seemed un-phased.

What in the name of Merlin? Had someone slipped him something? Maybe James or Peter to try and cheer him up… Dear Morgana they were both dreadful at Potions.

Careful to make sure that he had an arm to support him, Sirius began the climb the stairs to the dormitories Remus in tow, not letting go of him, until he'd been safely deposited onto the bed. Hopefully by the morning he would have managed to sleep off whatever it was the other two had managed to poison him with, Sirius thought darkly.

"Sirius," Remus whispered tremblingly, as the other boy began to move away.

"Yeah Remus?"

"Where are you going?"

Sirius froze for lack of another thought or better idea of what to do. What? Why did Remus suddenly look so hurt? "I was going to bed. Why? What do you mean Remus?" The sandy-haired blonde frowned slightly.

"Can't you even sleep with me in my dreams anymore?" Had he not been feet from him, Sirius would have sworn he had misheard him.

"You want me to sleep with you," Sirius repeated cautiously, scarcely daring to believe his own ears.

"Not like that Pads," Remus grinned sillily. "I'm too tired. Just hold me?" Sirius felt his heart melting on the spot as he stared, mouth still slightly agape, into bright, and hopeful amber eyes, giving some serious thought to pinching himself.

He thought he was still dreaming. Was this what he dreamed about, Sirius thought stunned? Was it possible they dreamed about the same thing?

Alright, admittedly, it sounded, at least from this one instance, that Sirius had dreamed somewhat farther, but Remus Lupin dreamed about he, Sirius holding him?

He thinks he's still sleeping, the rational, less impulsive side of the marauder's brain cautioned.

But better or worse would be for the morning to decide, the only thought Sirius could muster was that if this was the only opportunity he would ever have to show him how he felt, hold him as though his life depended upon it, as though letting go would mean the whole world falling away, he couldn't just let it slip through his fingers. Sirius had never been able to tell Remus no anyway, he thought dismissively, walking back towards the boy's bed.

In his last moment's hesitation crawling into the small flour-poster beside him, Remus took him by surprise, pulling him forcefully down to his lips, before yanking him by the collar down onto the bed beside him. It was over before Sirius could even have said what exactly had just hit him.

A contented sigh, and some adjustments later, Remus was curled into him, his head pillowed comfortably on his chest, and sound asleep, leaving a befuddled Sirius to stare unseeing at the curtains for some time afterward.


	8. Just Talking

Remus awoke the next morning shrinking away from the rude shaft of sunlight that crept in through the break in his curtains, with a soft groan. What time was it? A soft yawn, and a sudden rush of warm breath on the back of his neck and he immediately stiffened, suddenly becoming aware of the arm slung snug and contentedly around his middle. What the…?

Examining the arm as if to determine it counterfeit; and instead finding it quite real, the sandy-haired boy jolted upright. A sleepy Sirius sensing his friend and bedmate's apprehension sat up slowly and gave the other boy some space. Remus could only stare confused, searching silver-gray eyes for an explanation, but Sirius looked every bit as lost as he felt.

Before either could so much as say a word, however, the curtains that sheltered them were suddenly yanked open.

"There you are," James exclaimed triumphantly, as if he'd just won a long and satisfying game of hide and seek. "Good have you two made up then," he asked breathlessly, looking every bit as pleased as though it were by his own doing.

"We were…" Remus began, struggling for words and a plausible cover story. Bugger, why wasn't he a better liar?

"Just talking," Sirius replied rescuing him.

"Blimey, you two aren't even dressed yet. You're not going to the match in your pajamas are you? Who's going to watch to make sure Evans is watching me slaughter some Slytherins? Well hurry up then," James urged, rushing off back down the steps two at a time before either boy could find a clever retort.

"Remus," Sirius whispered softly, broaching the silence that followed James' hasty exit.

"James is right, we should get dressed and ready, he'd be really hurt if we missed his last match of the year," Remus said softly, opening his trunk to find some suitable attire, avoiding the other boy's gaze.

Sirius moved off Remus' bed to rummage messily through his own trunk for suitable warm clothes for the match, but without any interest, all his focus diverted to searching for words.

This just couldn't be the end of it. He couldn't wake up from the best night's sleep he'd ever had, holding the boy he loved, the face he couldn't imagine not waking to for the rest of his life, and go back to anger, awkwardness, to not speaking.

"Remus, you can't wear that thing, you'll freeze today out there," Sirius started pointing to the threadbare gray sweater the other boy had been pulling over his head, seizing desperately on any way to tempt him into speaking to him.

"I like this sweater," Remus insisted, plucking at it. His mother had made it for him. "I'll be fine," he replied, a bit stubbornly. Did he really think he couldn't take care of himself?

"Here," Sirius said ignoring him, thrusting one of his own, bulkier sweaters into the boy's hands. Remus studied it carefully for a moment, uncertain of what to make of the seemingly inconsistent concerned gesture, before daring a glance up and meet pleading silver eyes. Damn him.

"Thanks," Remus conceded softly, carefully folding his own sweater back up and placing it back into his trunk reverently.

"You'd have frozen out there in that thing," Sirius shrugged softly. "I know why you don't throw it out," he continued softly, refusing to allow silence to fall between them again. "But it's not thick enough to keep you warm out on the pitch mate. I don't reckon James needs a werewolf Popsicle in his cheering section." As soon as the words left his mouth, Sirius cringed, it was too soon, joking required trust, was to be worked back up to… Remus' halt in fixing the messed sheet and blankets of his bed seemed to confirm it.

"Sirius," he began softly.

"Remus, I'm sorry. I didn't…"

"Sirius," Remus interrupted. "I don't understand what's going on, I don't know what you are playing at, but I don't need to be a part of it."

"Wha-"

"It's not the most responsible or smartest thing I've ever done, and it's no excuse, but I went through most of James' Firewhiskey last night. I appreciate you helping me to bed, but that can't happen again. It won't happen again."

"You asked me to…"

"I shouldn't have. It was a mistake," Remus mumbled, gazing unseeing out the nearby window.

"But you kissed me," Sirius ejaculated desperately, staring at Remus in disbelief. Remus shook his head. Sure it hadn't been the smoothest, dignified sort of kiss they wrote sonnets, about, but... Didn't he remember?

A flush of red crept up Remus' neck and into his cheeks, as he avoided Sirius' eyes. "Sirius, I…" he started uncertainly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just think it'd be best if we don't spend so much time around each other. I'm going to be sitting with Lily and Amelia at the match today."

"Why?"

"I think it's best," Remus repeated awkwardly.

"No, right, I got that," Sirius replied, searching beneath the sandy bangs for the boy's amber eyes. "I was wondering what's best about it."

"Sirius, please don't make this any harder for me than it already is. I'm gay, alright?"

"Yeah it is," Sirius replied.

"What?"

"It's alright, that you're gay."

"Well you wouldn't know it the way you've been acting about it," Remus blurted out, bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean," Remus replied patiently. "Doesn't matter now anyway. Sirius, I've invested a lot more in our friendship than you ever gave me any cause for."

"What are you saying Remus," Sirius asked softly, scarcely daring to hope if his friend would talk like a normal human being, that he could mean what it sounded like he was attempting to articulate.

"I like you Sirius. A lot. I'm sorry. I know it's awkward as ass... But I think it would be better, for both of us, to have a little time and space for me to get over this, if you even want to be my friend again."

"What if I don't want to be your friend again," Sirius asked softly. He had hoped to tempt him into meeting his eyes, but if possible the boy's head hung even lower: like a rebuked puppy. "What if I don't want you to get over me?"


	9. You Can't be Sirius

"Please don't do this Sirius," Remus pleaded softly, tearful eyes finally rising to meet silver ones.

"You keep saying that Remus, but what is it you want me to stop?"

"This! Tormenting me. Don't you see how much more difficult you are making this for me, Sirius? Please Sirius, it wasn't funny or cute in the Great Hall, it's not now."

"That was a disaster," Sirius agreed nodding. Remus didn't make any reply. "Disgrace to the house of Black, that was. Honestly, I've never head-butted someone I was attempting to snog before."

"What were you even trying to snog me for in the first place, Sirius," Remus asked angrily, furiously cursing the tears that threatened to overflow any moment.

"Blimey, hasn't anybody ever told you? Well Moony, generally when you really like somebody…"

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"You don't like me Sirius."

"Says who?"

"You don't."

"As a matter a fact I do Mr. Lupin. I happen to like you, very much," Sirius replied earnestly. "I just have an awkward as ass way of showing it, and a tendency to be a complete and impulsive prat when it comes to thinking things through, like snogging my best friend in front of everybody at breakfast…"

"I should have known better than to expect we could have an actual conversation about this, let alone expect some sort of apology from you."

"I apologize for the concussion," Sirius conceded. "That didn't go anything like I was hoping."

"Well, I was hoping my first kiss wouldn't be the butt of somebody's practical joke, let alone my best friend's."

"That was your first kiss," Sirius spluttered, faltering. "Remus, I… Remus, I'm sorry," Sirius managed genuinely. "I should have thought, but I didn't think at all. I just… Bloody hell your first kiss was dreadful," Sirius exclaimed, unable to help himself.

"It wasn't great," Remus mumbled in agreement.

"Can I have another go?"

"At what?"

"Kissing you," Sirius replied without a pause.

"Sirius this is exactly what I am talking about," Remus shouted angrily, slamming his trunk shut. "Why's it so bloody difficult for you to just apologize and we can both forget about it? What could possibly be so amusing about playing with me? What did I do?"

"I did apologize, Remus."

"No you didn't. Not really." You never really do, the sandy-haired boy thought darkly. And somehow I always forgive you anyway. Well not this time, this time you really mucked things up, Sirius Black.

"You mean for kissing you?"

"What in Merlin's name else would I be talking about, Sirius?"

"Remus, I already told you I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have kissed you in front of all those people."

"That's not an apology, that's a conditional. As if kissing me somewhere else would have been perfectly fine." Wouldn't it have been, Sirius thought briefly. It might at least have been less of a literal headache. He mightn't have needed to polish the damn trophies and waste a perfectly decent Friday evening. They might have shared the Firewhiskey… Sirius shook his head, forcing himself to turn his attention back to the matter at hand, and the boy in front of him.

"I won't apologize for kissing you," he managed finally, resolute.

"Then we're wasting our time here," Remus replied sharply. "The match is starting soon," Remus fumed, turning to leave the dormitory. Sirius struggled for words, what to do: anything to de-escalate the situation, to keep Remus from leaving. He gently grabbed his wrist, anchoring him to the spot where he was in the doorway.

"I'm sorry that I embarrassed you," Sirius said softly, halting the other boy's attempts to free himself of his grasp. "But I won't… I can't," he began again firmly, "apologize for kissing you. I don't expect you to believe me, I've made a pig's ear of everything lately, but I could never play a prank that would hurt you like this Remus. I care about you too much," Sirius continued.

"Remus, please look at me. Remus, the night that I ran into Snape… You were right there is no excuse that would ever satisfy. I'd be lucky as hell if you ever forgive me for it, but I'll never forgive myself. For this," he whispered softly fingertips hesitantly reaching out to touch the three new scars that crossed his face. Remus fought the urge to shudder at his unexpectedly feather-light touch, and vaguely thought he might remember a similar gesture from him when he'd fallen asleep on the commonroom floor. "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you there in the shack all night, all alone, and risking our friendship, for Snape or anybody, there's not a person in the world that could ever be worth it," he whispered softly, letting his hand drop, feeling a slight blush creeping up the back of his neck in spite of himself.

Remus didn't move; couldn't move. He had to be dreaming, it was impossible.

"Amelia let me go," Sirius continued, "Because she figured out I'm crazy about you." Remus shook his head, it wasn't possible. "I don't expect you to believe me; I know I've made a rotten show of it. I don't deserve it, but please don't shut me out, Remus. Don't avoid me. Don't get over me. Give a chance to prove it to you. I love you Remus."


	10. Convincing Remus

Remus froze; heart and lungs stopped working simultaneously, certain he had to have misheard him. Sirius Black couldn't be in love, not with him. It simply wasn't possible, but no matter how angry and hurt the young boy was, he couldn't truly believe that Sirius would take the prank this far. Not when it was clear it was hurting him.

Sirius' hand that was still holding his wrist, slipped slowly, tremulously down to hold his hand, as the young sandy-haired boy watched, before gently raising his head to peer through untidy bangs into soft silver eyes.

"What can I do to convince you," the dark-haired boy asked softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Remus shook his head, feeling his eyes beginning to water once more.

"You don't want me Sirius," the boy mumbled, avoiding looking at him. It simply couldn't be that anyone would willingly take on a pitiful and dangerous dark creature, much less this boy who could easily have whomever he wanted. Momentarily he wondered if it were possible he was still asleep, maybe dreaming. But surely if it were a dream it might have been easier begotten happiness than this.

"I do, and I can't imagine why anybody wouldn't," Sirius replied firmly. "I know you won't believe me, Merlin knows why, but I think you're the most beautiful and extraordinary person I've ever met," he whispered softly, staring into his uncertain amber eyes. "Scars and all," he added, sensing the other boy's doubts.

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"Not much room to, mate."

"I don't feel sorry for myself," Remus replied softly, wishing he could have sounded more indignant, or at least projected a louder, more convincing decibel.

"You don't think too highly of yourself either," Sirius replied eyeing him sharply. "No great secret mate," Sirius shrugged under his half-sincere glare. "You're grateful and loyal to anybody that so much as throws a crumb at you, because you think everyone is going to figure it out and leave you. Must have boggled your mind when I told you first year I knew about your 'furry-little problem', and I was sticking around anyway."

"I thought maybe it was to irk your parents," Remus mumbled softly. Sirius chuckled softly.

"You still don't see it do you? I'm still here, mate. You try so damn hard, harder than anybody I know, or anybody ever should to be perfect. It's not possible Moony. And I couldn't give a damn. I wouldn't want perfect even if it did exist. It's you Remus. Always has been. Completely nutters, flawed, scarred, imperfect…" Remus couldn't imagine how any of the items in his list could be attractive, but Sirius didn't sound disappointed about any of them. "but you are perfect for me," Sirius added softly, catching the other boy's wandering mind and eyes. "You said you care about me; give me a chance to earn it, Remus."

It was a mark of the dark-haired boy's seriousness that he was using his companion's name rather than his moniker. Of the four of them, Remus was the only one that seemed to remember or use their Christian names anymore. Merlin there wasn't a thing in the world Remus could have wanted more than to give the boy a chance, to give them a chance, to finally give in to the feelings he had denied and fought for years, but words and his confidence were failing him. What would happen to them if it didn't work out? Could he bear the thought of Sirius loving and leaving him, as he had seen and comforted so many girls? What if when it ended he hated him? What could he really give Sirius Black anyway? A broke and broken werewolf? He could only stand to hold the other boy back from the many possible golden futures that lay before him.

"Sirius, I…" His name hung in the air between them, as Remus searched for the words, and a way to deflate his tongue enough to speak. I, what? I love you? I can't imagine life without you in it? I'm scared? All of them were true, and not one of them was coming out. He was lost in the patient silver eyes that bore into his, into his very soul, searching for the answer. Tears, he'd by some miracle managed to hold back got the better of him, as two fat tears rolled down his cheek. Uncertain, but tenderly, Sirius brushed them away, as the boy opened his mouth in an attempt to speak again.

"Oye! You gits! It's 20 minutes to the match, cut the manicures short and get your arses down here," James hollered up the stairs impatiently, interrupting them.

"Just a bloody minute," Sirius shouted, causing Remus to jump. Immediately regretting startling him, and shooting the boy an apologetic look. "We'll be right there," he amended softer, meeting amber eyes for confirmation.

"To be continued," Remus asked with a heavy sigh, surrendering to a still unresolved tension between them. Remus tried to tell himself that at least they were no longer yelling or angry with one another, but he couldn't be sure this new tension hanging between them would drive him any less crazy. Perhaps the match would give him enough time to find the conviction and courage to be the first person to tell Sirius Black no.

Sirius cursed softly, suddenly filled with a complete and inexplicable hatred of his best mate's timing, and Quidditch, finally allowing his now rather sweaty hand to release Remus'. Damnit James. "Sit next to me at the match," he asked cautiously.

"I told Lily and Amelia…"

"They'll get over it. They can have some quality time chatting about blokes and hair care potions. Or they can sit with us. Unless you'd rather not…" Sirius trailed off uncertainly. "Unless you're still angry with me."

"No. Not mad," Remus replied softly, Sirius' head shooting up hopefully in an attempt to meet his gaze. "Scared. Terrified, actually."

"Of what? What are you afraid of Remus?"

"Ruining everything. You leaving. You hating me," Remus whispered softer still.

"I could never hate you Remus. Never. And I would never leave you."

"Sirius, if there's even the slightest chance you… I… I don't think I can handle it if it didn't work," Remus admitted feeling ashamed. Merlin, he was such a girl. What kind of a guy, gay or straight said something like that? It was impossible to tell him how terrified he truly was and not come out sounding somehow desperate and incredibly needy.

"You won't ever have to," Sirius whispered smiling softly at him.


	11. Okay

The whole world seemed to slow, and as he stared into hopeful silver eyes, Remus let go of all his doubts, and insecurities, his fears. He needed this. Needed to forget the uncertain future, what would happen when they graduated. Needed to believe the dark-haired boy in front of him could be in love with him. Because whatever protests he made, the truth of it was if he rejected the hand being offered to him now he would always regret it, always wonder what might have been.

"If I could promise you that I will never hurt you again... But I can't," Sirius continued staring into his amber eyes, seeming to see right through to his soul. "But I can promise you that I would never hurt you on purpose, I will never give up, I will never leave you, and I'll always be there with great make-up sex when you finally forgive me."

Remus chuckled in spite of himself at Sirius' attempt to lighten the heaviness that hung between the pair of them.

"I'll always love you Remus, I always did, even when I was too much of a prat to see it."

"Are you sure, I mean..."

"You're not a flirtation with an alternative lifestyle if that's what you're getting at," Sirius replied, trying to pour every assurance he could into the words he spoke. "The past few days, not speaking, not seeing you, I don't ever want to spend another day of my life like that. I've never been so miserable." Remus' heart jumped in spite of his best effort, another day, of his entire life? Could those sentiments really be anything more than a passionate, romantic declaration? In that moment, Remus couldn't be certain it mattered much either way.

"Have you told anybody else yet?"

"You mean besides my clumsy attempt to snog you in the Great Hall?"

"Yeah."

"No, I haven't said anything to anybody yet."

"James or Peter," Remus asked softly.

"Just Amelia, but she more or less puzzled it out on her own, and called me out on it. Scary that one..."

"But you're sure..."

"Well I had never thought about it. It was never an option..."

"And now?"

"Anyone who doesn't like it be damned. I could have any bird I wanted, but none of them every made me as happy, made me laugh... made me feel the way I do whenever I am with you."

"And your family?"

"What about the nutters?"

"Sirius, they can't possibly approve.."

"In case you've forgotten, I don't live with those crazy purists and Dark Lord supporters anymore, Remus. I'm well shot of and glad to be rid of them. You, and James, and Peter, you're more family to me than they ever were, or ever will be."

"But your inheritance.."

"I don't need their filthy money."

"But Sirius, I haven't got anything, never will have."

"Did you hear me ask for anything?"

"Sirius, it's all well and good this talk about all of us after Hogwarts, rich and successful..."

"And happy. I'd scrap all that for happy."

"..You becoming an Auror, James playing Pro-Quidditch, Peter well who knows, but I can't... Nobody wants a werewolf, there's nothing for me after I leave this place."

"There's me. And James and Peter."

"I don't want to be a leech."

"Not on your worst day mate. Look I can't say as I have it all figured out yet, but I made you a promise our first year and I plan to keep it. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you. Whatever I have I'm happy to share. We can be poor, unemployed and lost together."

Remus wasn't sure how appealing the idea of being destitute sounded, but he had resigned himself to that fate when he had gone back for his mother's funeral and his father had explained to him the full extent of Greyback's curse, they hadn't spoken to each other since. Somehow though, the idea didn't seem quite as frightening or terrible with Sirius with him.

"We'll figure it out," his dark-haired friend continued confidently, hoping he was instilling the same faith in his companion.

Remus wished he might have told his mother. Wondering briefly if her knowing looks, and insistence that he should invite Sirius over to the Lupin home sometime, if somehow she had already guessed. If she had it seemed she had never spoken a word of it to John Lupin. Not having a girlfriend, given his condition, was tolerable, perhaps to be expected. Being gay, if his father's passive comments where any indication, was abnormal, an abomination or perversion to the muggle and magical world. Likely to be dismissed as the result of his Lycanthropy, something that might be somehow cured, or an impulse to ignore or overcome. Even had they been on speaking terms and had a better relationship, Remus couldn't be certain he would tell him the truth.

But his mother would have liked Sirius. Would have loved his sense of humor, his smile and charm. Would have loved him simply because he loved and made her son happy. Remus could understand why James was so taken with Lily, they were cut of the same rare cloth. Besides Sirius, she had been the only one Remus had confirmed and confided his sexuality, and secret affections.

"Oh, but that's wonderful," Lily exclaimed when he had told her, "it's nothing to be ashamed of Remus. Don't worry about anybody else. The people that really matter won't mind, and the people that mind shouldn't matter." She was full of wisdom and love like that, able to see the good in anything. But true to her promise she hadn't told another soul. "It's your business, if they want to know, they can ask you, and you can tell them what you want to. So is there anyone in particular?" Remus had hesitated, but she had been so supportive of him so far, she had more than earned his confidence in her. "Oh Remus," she sighed shaking her head. "Well, we sure know how to pick them don't we? Alright, I suppose I'll just have to get used to it, but if he breaks your heart, I'll break his neck."

"Anyway that's a whole year away," Sirius finished cheerfully, unaware of Remus' reminiscing.

"Okay."

"Okay," Sirius asked scarcely daring to believe his own ears weren't lying to him. Okay, what?

"Okay I'll sit next to you at the match," Remus continued. Sirius tried to conceal his disappointment, surely he should be happy with whatever he could get, but somehow he knew just sitting next to him now, after all of this, after finally admitting everything that he felt for him, would never be enough.

"Okay I'll give us a go." Had Sirius not been staring right at his handsome friend when he was speaking, he would have sworn he had only wished and dreamed the soft words into existence. Sirius wanted to ask him if he was sure, but couldn't bear the thought of him changing his mind, or discovering he had somehow dreamed the whole thing. "Now c'mon before we miss the match, and James murders us both," Remus grinned happily.


	12. In the Quidditch Box

The match was brutal, but by and large a Slytherin slaughter, hardly enough to hold Sirius' attention for long. They had walked in relative silence to the pitch, listening to James bash Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and his other opponents, talk up his own broom and superior flying skills, and more than the occasional mention of Lily.

"I mean, she could study later right? This is the last match of the year, she'd come don't you reckon. You're coming Remus, and you've always got your nose in the books. Whatcha reckon Pads you think she'll come out to watch?"

"Huh?"

"Lils. Evans. C'mon Pads, Lilly-Evans." James said exasperating. "She'll come out and watch us, don't you think?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," Sirius replied mechanically, but James seemed to eager to notice his friend's lack of commitment or enthusiasm.

"Course she will. How could she miss it," he continued, oblivious to his friend's wandering attention.

Sirius couldn't help it, even when the whistle was blown, the snitch released, quaffle tossed, and the match began, he could scarcely be bothered to notice much of it. His mind seemed to vacillate between the absolute thrill and anxiety. Remus sat next to him as he had done every other match in all their years here, but this was nothing like those matches. Suddenly the fact that he was wearing his sweater had entirely new significance. But what had changed? In all their talking, they still had so much to figure out. What did this mean, "giving them a go?" He had thought about holding the sandy-haired boy's hair while they were walking down to the Quidditch pitch, but what would James have thought or said about it? Perhaps now while they were sitting in the stands, cheering for their friend... He might even be able to pass it off as an attempt to warm up his own hands.

Lily and Amelia had taken the seats to Remus' left and shortly after their arrival had dove into a flurry of whispered conversation. Whatever Amelia had said on his behalf, seemed to have satisfied her hot-headed ginger friend, since she was no longer shooting him the same curse-worthy glares as she had been at dinner last night. Instead she looked at Remus, who seemed to positively beam with happiness before an embarrassed blush and his shyness got the better of him, before settling satisfied back into her seat to watch the match. But Sirius couldn't concentrate on anything, but the boy beside him.

Remus tried to focus on the match that was being played out in front of him, but Quidditch had never really held his attention before, and today he was lucky if he knew who was in possession of the quaffle at any given moment. He wouldn't have had any inkling of the score or who was winning were it not for the booming announcements every few minutes.

Instead his mind continued to wander to the boy beside him, his mind replaying again and again their conversation before the match, everything that had lead up to it, searching his every memory for signs that he had ignored that Sirius had loved and been as crazy about him all this time as he had been for him.

How was it possible, and more importantly how he could have missed it? Might they have been together and happier sooner? How much time had they lost? Remus shook his head, he couldn't think that way. Anyway it didn't matter anymore, only now and what would follow. Whatever had happened, was done, nothing to be done for it, and in any case, it had all lead them here. To sitting next to each other at the last Quidditch match of their sixth year not as mates, but as what? Significant others? Boyfriends? What exactly that would mean from now on, Remus couldn't be sure, but it didn't matter. Sirius loved him. Maybe as much as he loved him, but he wasn't about to tell him so yet.

A particularly cold blast of air as a Slytherin chaser whipped by their box in the stands, reminded Remus that he was wearing his sweater. Sirius had been right of course, his mother's knitted sweater was becoming far too threadbare from frequent use to have kept him sufficiently warm on the pitch today, as the last vestiges of winter fought the coming spring. More than the warmth however, Remus' heart raced to know he was wearing an article of clothing from the boy he loved, the boy who loved him.

"Oy watch where you're flying you blind Slytherin bat," Sirius shouted angrily after the player. The bludger that had been chasing the player had very nearly changed it's mind as it swept by the stands of red and gold fans, enough that Sirius wondered whether or not MacNair had flown that way on purpose. If it had hit Remus... Sirius thought, feeling himself wind up for a fight. Nevermind his would-be opponent was flying, and by now halfway across the pitch. "Git," Sirius muttered frustratedly, sitting back down and running a hand through his hair, trying to pass off his embarrassment at his own outburst, and ignore the stares from the other spectators around him. "Tosser's bludger nearly gave you a concussion," he muttered softly so only the boy beside him could hear. Remus smiled slightly at him, and the other's stares, and even Lily and Amelia's soft giggling down the row was forgotten.

Sirius had been all but ready to climb over the stands and jump on MacNair's broomstick to get to the boy because his bludger had nearly hit him. Sure it was silly, it was rash-so like Sirius, and completely unnecessary, a little voice in the back of his mind told him not to encourage him, but Remus couldn't help smiling.

When Sirius finally settled back into his seat, his hand seemed to fall almost completely naturally beside Remus'. At first, tentatively, only their pinkies making contact, before each edged closer to the other, and eventually hidden from view between their coats and scarves they enveloped each other's. Each boy meeting the other's gaze for no more than a moment, before turning back to the game with identical happy grins.


	13. A Bet

Holding Sirius' hand and watching scarlet and emerald robes sweeping before him, Remus was forced to reconsider Quidditch. Perhaps the game wasn't so terrible afterall. He was still rubbish at flying, but perhaps, sitting here with Sirius, he could find some new respect and appreciation for the sport... Briefly he wondered why Sirius had never considered the sport, he was a natural on a broom, and Remus was sure, he would make the scarlet robes look fantastic.

"Oy, you're a cheating, rotten tosser, number 3!"

Sirius jumped, shocked at the outburst from the boy beside him. Remus shrugged, shyly, sitting back down beside him.

"Who are you and what have you done with Remus?"

"Didn't you see that? He was trying to hit James with the Beater's bat."

"Sure, I saw it, but I don't think I've ever heard you yell at any of the players before."

"I'm a prefect, not perfect," Remus shrugged attempting to act nonchalant, feeling the tell-tale creep of a heated blush crawling up the back of his neck.

"You sir, are a geek, and completely barmy," Sirius chuckled grinning at him. Sudden boos, and gasps erupted from behind them. Malfoy appeared to have turned around to see who was slighting him, and run straight into the professor's box, Dumbledore appeared to be examining the boy's profusely bleeding nose, as Malfoy's sputtered swears were being transmitted across the pitch over the nearby announcer's mike. Meanwhile amidst the chaos and confusion, James had spotted the snitch, and was now holding it proudly aloft.

"GRYFFINDOR WINS," the announcer cheered.

Screams erupted from all corners of the pitch. Gryffindor had won the House cup. Finally a house had stolen the title from the Slytherins. blue, yellow, and scarlet sections cheered, as green and silver booed, swore, and demanding a re-match. All around people were jumping, clapping and cheering.

Before either could think about it Remus and Sirius had both jumped from their seats excitedly, cheering before turning to one another for a suffocating hug.

"I bloody love you, mate," Sirius exclaimed happily, as they pulled back from each other, arms still refusing to completely let go of one another.

Neither could say later which of them had taken the finally step to close the gap between them, whose lips had met the others, though Remus suspected it was Sirius who had acted first. Neither cared. What did it matter? Remus felt Sirius' fingers bury themselves in his hair, while his own hands crushed between the boy's arms, reached for his sweater, his scarf, whatever he could grab to keep him upright, certain his heart would any moment give up on him, before finally worming their way out of the embrace enough to wrap about his neck and tangle in his beautiful dark locks...

"It was," began Remus and Sirius uncertainly together. James who had flown over some moments later to meet Lily and gloat in his victory and found the pair of them lip-locked, stared incredulously at them.

"A bet," cut in Lily and Amelia.

"A bet," James repeated uncertainly.

"Yeah," the boys agreed, seizing the excuse, Sirius nodding profusely.

"You made a bet where the stakes involved snogging each other if you lost."

"If on the off-chance we happened to lose," Sirius supplied, desperately searching his archives of creative lying 101 for something useful. "It was a sure-fire win."

"Easy money," Remus added nodding supportively.

"Trelawny made a prediction last week that the Slytherin seeker would come to harm in the last few minutes of the match," Amelia delivered flawlessly.

"And most Divination is a load of rubbish," Remus jumped in. That Remus was calling any discipline of study a load of rubbish should have been a tip off to the pair's dishonesty, but James appeared not to notice, eyes trained on the pair of girls who were vouching for them.

"Right, and Malfoy wouldn't dare let anything happen to his pretty face or hair that's why he's got those two thickheads Crabbe and Goyle watching over him," Sirius continued nodding. James snorted at the declaration of Lucius being "pretty."

"That was pretty enthusiastic for an obligated snog for losing a bet," James replied still eying the pair suspiciously.

"That would be my doing," Lily said stepping in. James' head snapped to attention for the redheaded girl as she spoke up. "I had to make sure they would go through with it, so I charmed them to hold them to it."

"Barking mad, you two. Making two mates snog each other for a silly Quidditch bet," Sirius added for emphasis, silently reminding himself to find something wonderful for the pair of them coming to their aid.

"I dunno, I thought it was pretty cute," Amelia smirked. I'll kill her, Sirius thought amending his previous sentiments. James made a wreching noise, muttering something which sounded like "Girls," before flying off to join the rest of the scarlet robed team in their celebratory circle on the ground.

"Thanks," Remus whispered softly, smiling at Amelia and Lily.

"No problem. He's a bit of a prat, but he does care about you both. It might be a bit of an adjustment, but I'm sure he'll come around, when you both see fit to tell him," Amelia smiled.

"But if you don't plan on telling him yet, you might keep the public snogging to a minimum," Lily smiled. Remus chuckled softly, blushing and ducking to avoid their gaze. "Oh, and Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I know some really nasty hexes, I'd love the chance to practice. So don't screw this up, yeah?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Sirius replied immediately, shrinking ever so slightly under the redhead's stare.

"Good. I'm so happy for the two of you," she smiled, taking Amelia's hand and leading the pair of them off back down the stairs and towards the castle.

"Blimey. We should warn James," Sirius chuckled nervously as the red head of hair disappeared into the distance ahead of them as they slowly made their way back to the castle. They seemed to be the last stragglers of the spectators, and were enjoying the rare moment completely to themselves.

"Might be good for him, deflate his head a bit," Remus replied smiling slightly.

"Am I that bad?"

"Worse," Remus laughed.

"Whot?"

"And you're a terrible kisser."

"I didn't hear you complaining."

"I'd give it a P," Remus teased, smirking.

"You're having me on," Sirius insisted, looking affronted.

"And the one in the Great Hall was rubbish. Definitely a T."

"That one was a comedy of errors to be sure... But Troll?"

"Maybe you need more practice."

"Are you available for private lessons?"

"I might be," Remus grinned mischievously, amber eyes lighting up with unspent laughter

"Alright, but riddle me this, how is it a bloke who only just had his first kiss knows so much about what qualifies as a good snog," Sirius asked satisfactorily, certain he'd cornered his friend in his bluff.

"You'd be surprised some of the things you can find in the library," Remus chuckled with a wink, dashing to catch up to James and head to dinner. Sirius froze, he was flirting with him. Remus Lupin, pretty shy boy, his Moony, was flirting with him, giving as good as he got, and dishing his every quip right back at him.

"Oye," Sirius yelled after the disappearing sandy-haired boy, once he'd regained himself from a moment's shock, "wait up you great prat!"


	14. A Secret Hideaway

That evening the Great Hall was louder and more alive than it ever had been: a positive din of noise and excitement as everyone relived the "best match in ages." It was absolutely impossible to talk to James, although perhaps for the first time, the messy black-haired boy looked just as disappointed about this as his marauding friends, staring longingly down the table and passed the throng to Lily who was chatting animatedly with Amelia.

"Whatcha think," Sirius whispered conspiratorially softly leaning into the sandy haired boy beside him.

"Not now Sirius," Remus replied softly, suppressing the urge to smile or laugh. "Anyway, we should talk to James first."

"Fine," Sirius huffed, pretending to pout. "Just know that I could and you're missing out mate."

"Maybe later," Remus added softly and suppressing a chuckle, gently nudging the brunette's foot under the table, and shooting him a gentle smile.

Sirius set up happily, grinning from ear to ear, and digging into his plate with renewed enthusiasm. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Amelia winking at the boy beside him, who flushed slightly before returning to his pudding.

…

"C'mon," Sirius urged, tugging on his friend's hand insistently.

"Sirius where are we going? It's after curfew."

"And you're a prefect. Worst comes to worse, you can say you were doing your last rounds and caught me wandering about."

"You mean, turn you in?"

"C'mon it's not unbelievable that'd I'd be out and about after hours. I just don't get caught."

"Nobody would believe I would turn you in."

"You wouldn't have a choice. If we'd stolen James' cloak he'd know something was up. You don't want him following us do you? What if he got caught, trying to snoop on us? We'd never hear the end of it."

"What are we going to tell him," Remus asked softly, following a little apprehensively behind him. When are we going to tell them, Remus thought silently, too afraid to ask.

"Pfft as if he's even gonna notice we're missing now that Lily's finally giving him the time of day." Remus attempted not to allow the slight wave of disappointment he felt translate to his face. He didn't plan on telling James any time soon then. Would he ever? Would James not approve of their being gay and his best mates being together? "Now c'mon," Sirius urged interrupting his thoughts, and pulling his wrist. "You're going to love this."

"Sirius," Remus whispered, trying hard not to snap his growing fear and disappointment at him. "We've already walked passed this hall. Twice. Are you lost?"

"Shh, just watch," Sirius urged stopping in front of a blank stretch of wall as a door suddenly appeared.

"Wha-"

"Found it when I was trying to dodge a professor the night… Well, anyway.." Sirius coughed uncomfortably, attempting to change the subject. "Go ahead, open it."

A tremulous step forward and a hand hesitated on the door. No, Sirius wouldn't pull another prank on him. Not now anyway. Remus pushed it open and stepped into a surprisingly large and cozy looking lounge. Turning back to his companion who had followed behind him and was gently closing the door, now grinning.

"Well? Told you it was incredible didn't I?"

"What is this room?"

"I dunno. I dunno that it is room, so much as a place. When Snape and I were hiding from the professor it wasn't anything but a little broom cupboard."

"You and Snape were stuck in a broom cupboard together?"

"I've been back a couple of times since and it's never been that for me, but I'm sure it's the same place, just a different room. I think it makes the place into whatever you want, as near as I can tell. Try it, think of something. Anything."

Remus closed his eyes, waiting patiently, before opening them once more.

"I don't get it," Sirius said confused. "It's always worked for me. See," he said pointing to a chessboard that appeared on the coffee table in front of them. "What were you thinking about?"

"Yousnoggingme," Remus whispered softly, blushing.

"Huh?"

"You snogging me," Remus repeated a little louder and clearer, still blushing slightly. Sirius grinned.

"I think that can be arranged," he replied, stepping forward to gently cup the boy's cheek, and brush his bangs out of the way before pulling him into him. "Now wish for something else," he whispered several breathless minutes later.

"I don't need anything else," Remus whispered feeling lightheaded just standing there in the arms of the boy he was completely head over heels in love with.

"You sure sucking up like that's a good idea? Weren't you just telling me earlier my head could do with a bit of deflating," Sirius chuckled"C'mon there must be something Remus," the dark-haired boy insisted softly, giving Remus' hand a gentle squeeze. "There you go," Sirius smiled as two mugs appeared on the coffee table beside the chessboard. "Let me guess," he said nearing the mugs for inspection, tugging Remus with the hand he was still holding behind him. "Hot chocolate. Why am I not surprised," Sirius chuckled shaking his head.

Remus merely shrugged smiling, and inexplicably flushing in a way Sirius thought was absolutely adorable. The brunette waited until his companion had set his mug back down on the table before pulling him into another soft kiss, tangling his fingers in the ends of his hair.

"Perfect," Sirius concluded surveying the room around them, the comfortable fire in front of them, and the handsome sandy-haired boy seated beside him, holding his cocoa with a closed eyed, beaming sort of reverence. "Did I tell you I love you," he asked smiling, readjusting on the couch so he could sit behind him, and wrapping his arms softly around Remus' middle.

"You might have mentioned it," Remus replied softly, smiling gently back at him, before ducking in for a brief, but tender kiss.

"Good 'cause I'm absolutely crazy about you," Sirius whispered contentedly, settling his head on the slightly smaller boy's and pulling him gently back into his chest. "What took us so long?"


	15. Coming Out and Coming Clean

"C'mon Sirius, you didn't really think that we could keep this from them forever did you? James has been asking about where it is we go at night, and I really don't like lying to him."

"You wanna tell him we're sneaking off to snog and snuggle in peace without being gawked at?"

"The room Sirius," Remus sighed feigning exasperation that he couldn't actually muster for his dark-haired companion. "James and Peter would tell us," he added softly. Sirius let out a barking laugh

"That's because Peter doesn't know what to do with birds, much less how to get one. You think Prongs would tell us about a room that gave him license to snog Lily whenever and for however long he wanted? Not bloody likely mate,"Sirius managed still chuckling.

"You just don't want to share," the sandy-haired boy replied smiled gently.

"You, or the room?"

"Both," Remus blushed.

"Damn right," Sirius grinned halting their progress down the hall to peek around the corner for any patrolling professors, as they had once again stayed in the newly discovered room well after curfew. "So you really think we should tell Wormtail and Prongs about the room, then?"

"Do you want to explain to James why we didn't tell him sooner if we wait any longer? He's not buying that I'm tutoring you anymore, your Charms marks are still rubbish and we stay out too late to be studying in the library."

"I can think of a couple of things we could do in the library that'd be a lot more fun than studying bloody Charms," Sirius winked.

"Only a couple? You're slipping Padfoot," Remus teased playfully. His mind flashing back to the one time he had in fact attempted to tutor the impossible boy. Sirius had found it far more entertaining attempting to distract Remus from the task at hand, peeling off one of his trainers and teasing the other boy's leg under the table until Remus could no longer remember what spell he was supposed to be teaching and was forced to button up his robes before walking back to the common room. Sirius had offered to help 'remedy the problem,' but Remus had politely refused. The dark-haired boy had the same hungry, almost predatory look in his eyes now as he stared at him where they had stopped in the hallway.

It was a delicate balance figuring out the proper responses to Remus' taunts, and even though they had been nearly inseparable, stealing secret kisses whenever they could the past few weeks, Sirius was still working it out. Remus might be able to dish back his teasing as good as he got, but they had been mates and teased each other for years, and this was entirely new territory. He was clearly still intimidated when it came to anything more than kissing. While Sirius' hands tended to roam experimentally, studying ever detail-atop clothes-of the other boy, Remus tended to restrict his hand to Sirius' neck, sometimes running his fingers through his hair. While this was new territory for both of them, Sirius was at least sexually experienced and much less intimidated by the idea of pushing forward after all the hell they had gone through to finally get together. Sirius didn't really mind that Remus needed to build up to trying things, well not too much. But sometimes, in moments like this... Merlin he just looked so damn kissable, Sirius had trouble not becoming carried away.

"Slipping? Not on your life Moony," Sirius growled, suddenly grabbing him and pushing him up against the wall, biting and sucking on his lower lip until the sandy-haired boy relented opening his mouth to him. Remus felt himself gasp as a leg pushed between his, Sirius' knee brushing up against obvious arousal, and blushed scarlet, gently and truth be told a little reluctantly putting his hands on the taller boy's shoulders before breathlessly pushing him a few steps back to collect his breath. They were in the middle of the third floor corridor, no longer in the warm safety and secrecy of their 'room of requirements.'

"Sirius, someone might see us," Remus whispered his breathing still ragged. Sirius shrugged unconcernedly.

"I don't mind if you don't."

"You don't care if..." Remus whispered stunned his head reeling. Was Sirius really saying what he thought he was? He, Sirius Black, didn't care if the whole school knew...

"Remus mate, I already snogged you in front of everyone in the Great Hall."

"They all thought it was a joke, everyone was laughing at me."

"Well, you and I know better don't we? I'd say it's our turn to have a laugh, wouldn't you," Sirius probed. Remus bit his lip.

"They could still laugh at me,"

"Us Remus, and let those idiots try," Sirius reassured him, softly taking the boy's hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Remus I love you. I'm crazy about you and I don't give a damn who knows it, or what anybody thinks or has to say about it. I wanna have what everybody else has, and I think you do to. I want to be able to walk down the hall and hold your hand, to snog you senseless whenever we feel like it, I want everybody to know that I'm with you. I don't want to hide Remus, I'm not ashamed of loving or being with you," Sirius continued in one breath. "I know you're scared," he added when Remus continued to hesitate. "If you aren't ready that's okay. That doesn't change anything about the way I feel about you. And if you ever feel too pressured or things are going to fast, you just say the word, tell me to slow down and I'll put the brakes on. Remus the last thing on Earth I want to do is bugger things up or hurt you again, Merlin knows I will anyway, but not if I can help it."

"We, er... should probably tell James and Peter before we shout it from the Astronomy tower. I reckon they'd be pretty sore if they didn't hear it from us first and before it's school gossip," Remus managed finally, avoiding Sirius' eyes.

"Okay, let's go tell them, I'm sure they're still awake."

"Right now," Remus sputtered. Sirius realized he'd spoken a little too eagerly again, perhaps Remus didn't mean to tell them tonight, merely that they should know first.

"Sorry mate, I was just thinking it might take them a day or two to get used to the idea before they're okay with walking in on us snogging or finding us spooning in one of our four posters."

"Spooning," Remus repeated.

"Well until you're ready to let me help with that problem of yours that keeps popping up," Sirius winked with a pointed glance down towards the boy's still bulged slacks. "Anyway," he continued, "you're the one who wants to give up our secret hiding place, and I for one am not altogether sure I can fall asleep without you next to me anymore." Alright, maybe he could, but Sirius certainly didn't want to. If all Remus was able to do was let the boy hold him, then for now that was enough, but giving that up entirely?

"And Frank? He's in our dormitory too." Sirius shrugged once more.

"So we tell Frank, he's a cool guy I'm sure he'll be okay with it."

Remus could hardly believe it could be that easy after everything that had happened leading up to their mutual confessions about their feelings for one another, but Sirius seemed absolutely certain and Remus had never really mastered the art of telling the boy no.

...

"I'm gay."

"You're barking is what you are, we told you before that was a terrible trick to play on Remus. He's our friend, and you managed to out, and humiliate him in front of the entire school. What on Earth makes you think having us on now is any better an idea," James replied sharply looking up from "Quidditch Through the Ages." He and Sirius were usually as tight-nit as any a duo could be, but this time the boy had gone too far. The prank simply wasn't funny, and he'd hurt one of their own. While Remus and Sirius seemed to have mended the fence, James was still wary of the other boy, and this was too much.

"No tricks," Sirius replied earnestly, wincing at James' words. He may have mended things with Remus, but he clearly still had something to prove with Prongs if he were to earn his complete trust back. He hoped this confidence might do it. Peter who sat beside him on the couch stared on open-mouthed, while James conducted the interrogation.

"For how long?"

"I don't really know," Sirius replied honestly. "A while I suppose, it's just that... well it wasn't even fathomable while I was living at home, they'd have killed me, but the inclination was still there I think I just ignored it or made excuses for it."

"But you've dated more girls..."

"With an admittedly poor track record," Sirius interrupted. He had dated more than a fair share of girls, and even slept with a few of them, though not nearly as many as the Hogwarts rumor mill suggested. In retrospect he wasn't nearly as proud of it as he had so often and long pretended. Particularly since it had, and at times continued to intimidate a much less experienced Remus. "Most of them lasted what? All of three dates or so before I found some excuse or something wrong with them."

"Amelia stuck around awhile," James contradicted.

"That's different. She was our friend first, besides she figured it out, even before I did. That's why she broke up with me."

"Wait a second," a thus far silent Peter chimed in, "Amelia dumped you?" Ever on topic, Sirius sighed nodding.

"If Amelia 'figured it out' there must be a guy then..." James reasoned, arresting the other boy's silver eyes.

"There is," Sirius admitted nodding. Suddenly his throat felt parched. Hadn't he minutes ago been telling Remus this was going to be a walk in the park? These were their friends, the world wouldn't swallow them whole for falling in love with one another, they'd be happy for them. Remus sat silently at the table just behind him watching the scene unfold from behind the safety of his Potions book, but suddenly Sirius wanted to bolt, grab Remus and just run away. Peter was still sitting slack-jawed, and Sirius was growing less and less confident about how his fellow friends were going to take it. What if James didn't approve? What if the Potters kicked Sirius out of their home? Where would he live then? He couldn't possibly go back there. Not to Grimmauld Place.

"Do we know him," James probed.

"Yeah I, er... reckon so," Sirius choked. Behind him he could hear Remus suppressing a soft snort of laughter. He supposed after everything he had put him through Remus deserved to be able to laugh at his expense this time, but it did nothing for his nerves.

"Does he know you like him, Sirius," Peter finally squeaked, sitting up on the couch interested. Sirius shook his head, good old Wormtail loved his gossip, even if he had no one, but the three of them to talk to and circulate it with.

"I'm in love with him Pete,"Sirius replied earnestly. "But yeah, I've told him."

"And what did he say," James asked curiously, his grudge against the boy slipping away in favor of interest and concern for his friend.

"Does he feel the same way, Sirius," Peter piped in.

"He does," Remus replied for him, hiding his face further behind his Potions book to conceal his blushing, and nervousness. His feet however fidgeted uncharacteristically under the table.

"You've already met him," James demanded. "Pads, what gives? First the room, and now Moony gets the scoop about your love life and new guy before me-the rest of us," James amended to include the boy beside him.

"He doesn't get it," Sirius chuckled turning back to Remus, who had finally managed to compose himself, and with a deep breath closed his Potions book, depositing it on the table. "Whatd'ya reckon, should we help them out a bit," he asked softly so only Remus could here.

Now or never, Remus thought resolutely, pulling Sirius down towards him so he could reach him for a brief, but clearly affectionate kiss.

"MERLIN, MORGANA, and ARTHUR," James ejaculated loudly. Peter simply squeaked sinking deeper into the couch and sneaking quick glances at the pair every few seconds from between his fingers.

"So you're happy," James finally asked carefully, eying both of his friends as Remus stood taking Sirius' hand in his.

"Yes," Sirius beamed, eyes shinning as he looked at Remus.

"Very," Remus confirmed.


	16. A Brotherly Chat

"So the two of you are an item then," Frank seemed hardly phased or concerned when the two boys nodded. "Cool," he grinned. "Congratulations mates," he smiled, seeming genuinely happy for the pair of them. "Just do me a favor, yeah?" Sirius nodded eager to acquiesce somebody who was clearly supportive of he and Remus being together. "Remember to put up the silencing charms when it gets to that stage, eh?" Sirius snorted while Remus choked blushing furiously.

True the marauders had always been a tightly knit group, but their fellow Gryffindors could scarcely help but to notice the extraordinary closeness that seemed to have developed between the quiet sandy-haired boy and Hogwart's brunette heartthrob. By Monday breakfast the whole castle seemed to be abuzz with questions, speculation, and rumors. Remus and Sirius had decided after telling their close friends it wasn't really necessary to address the school at large since it wasn't really any of their business. They didn't care what anyone else had to say about it anyway, or so they had thought...

"It's alright Sirius," Remus soothed, squeezing his hand under the table.

"It bloody well is not," Sirius growled. "As if you aren't a charming and attractive enough bloke to get whomever you damn well pleased or set your heart on. A love potion? Rubbish. Absolute Sh-"

"Doesn't matter Sirius," Remus repeated cutting him off before he could get started and teach the first years down the table from them some new vocabulary.

"That's your character they are attacking. A potion! I bet Snevilius started that piece of..."

"Sirius," Remus interrupted once more with a sigh, "as amusing and touching as your protectiveness is, I've got you-more than I ever dared to hope for. As far as I'm concerned they can say whatever they bloody want."

Sirius' mouth which had never closed waiting impatiently for the chance to speak again finally shut, lips forming into a soft smile.

"They're just jealous," he concluded, still shooting a glare to the back of Snape's head at the Slytherin table.

"Yeah," Remus agreed softly, grinning.

The rest of the morning was relatively undisturbed, sure the whispers continued, just out of earshot, but both boys now contented amongst themselves scarcely noticed, caught up in the whirlwind of finally being a real couple, even walking hand in hand to that afternoon's potion's lesson.

"Sirius," the young boy halted and Remus reluctantly let his hand slip from his looking worried. Sirius tried to recapture his hand, but the sandy-haired boy had already tucked them into his pocket. Remus had forgotten about Regulus.

"What do you want Reg," Sirius asked irritably.

"A chat with my big brother too much to ask for," the shorter and rougher looking brunette asked feigning hurt, as though such a request where the most natural thing in the world.

"We're headed to Potions Reg, and I don't reckon Slughorn would appreciate us being late," Sirius growled.

"Maybe not, but you will hear me out. Send him if your worried about Slughorn, he can tell him you're running late." Remus seemed to seize onto this idea wholeheartedly, eager to escape the escalating tension between the two estranged brothers, but Sirius grabbed the sleeve of his robes rooting him to the spot beside him.

"Alright then, let's have it. You have my attention, out with it."

"Not in front of _him_," Regulus hissed gesturing towards Remus who seemed to shrink away from Sirius' side even more.

"There's not a damn thing you could possibly need to say to me that you can't say in front of Remus," Sirius spat emphasizing the other boy's name.

"It's not dignified, discussing private family matters in front of others, let alone keeping company with mongrels and blood filth for pets," Regulus whispered icily. "I know what you are Lupin," he whispered softer still.

"Don't make me hex you Reg. I will happily serve detentions for landing you in the hospital wing for the rest of term if you ever talk about my friends or speak to Remus that way again," Sirius threatened fuming.

"Rumor has it he's a lot more than just one of your 'friends,'" Regulus taunted, fishing for answers, eying where Sirius held tight to Remus' sleeve suspiciously. "Got a secret you'd care to share with the rest of the class brother? If you think Mum will stand for..."

"Still rushing off to write owls to dear old Mummy are we Reg? You always were mother's perfect pet, you dirty rotten snitch. I don't give a damn what you or that crazy old bitch stand for, that's why I left that damn place. The decisions I make and the people I keep company with now are no more her business than they are yours."

"You never did think about anyone but yourself. You don't think it affects us, the rumors flying around? Thank Merlin they haven't reached Mum yet, if she knew..."

"Is that a threat? Don't you think confronting me like this is going to confirm it for all the gossips?" Regulus halted, face flickering for only the briefest instant, clearly he had not considered this possibility.

"I'm not confronting you," he replied, though he didn't sound entirely convinced.

"Oh no? Then what do you call this little intervention of yours?"

"A warning, that the next time something unsavory reaches home it'll be a howler rather than a friendly chat."

"Looking forward to it," Sirius spat angrily.

"Damnit Sirius, this isn't you."

"Then you don't know me very well Reg, because this is the happiest I've ever been, right up until you decided to have this little 'chat.'"

"I know you're not one of those... You're a Black," he continued certainly.

"You can't even say it can you Reggie?"

"Don't call me that."

"Sirius, Sirius we're going to be late, at least let me go I can tell Slughorn you were held up. You don't need me here," Remus interjected softly.

"I'm gay Regulus," Sirius said plainly ignoring the sandy-haired boy's concerns, not letting go of his sleeve, refusing to allow him to slip away out of sight and into his insecurities and self-pity. Regulus shook his head vehemently. "I'm gay," Sirius repeated. "Queer, a fag-"

"No," Regulus interrupted violently. "No, you are not the same as that freak," Regulus insisted. Sirius' fist let go of Remus's robes only to connect with a loud crunch on his brother's nose a second later.

"I won't warn you again Reg," Sirius whispered scathingly drawing his wand and lowering it to his younger brother's chest where he had fallen on the cold stone floor.

"Dad would've..."

"Beat the shit out of me," Sirius agreed. "Yeah maybe, but I'd still be a queer Reg, you can't beat that out of someone, and Dad's dead, thank Merlin. I don't give a damn what mummy dearest thinks so you two might as well get used to Remus because I intend to keep him around as long as he'll put up with me."

"Not very long then," Regulus smirked from behind his bloody nose, gesturing to the place where the other boy had stood moments before. He had left. Sirius swore, picking up his bag and reluctantly stowing his wand to go find him.

"It won't be tolerated," Regulus continued.

"Yeah? What's the old bat going to do about it," Sirius asked turning on his heels to go look for Remus.

"She can still disinherit you," Regulus called after him.

"You'd love that wouldn't you Reg," Sirius replied scathingly, turning around to face his brother once more as he stood and brushed himself off. "To be the only son, sole heir to the house and fortune of Black? Let her. Bury her with her bloody fucking galleons for all I care. And you stay the hell away from me and Remus," Sirius snapped angrily, storming away in a desperate search for the other boy.


	17. Yours

Sirius sat in potions fuming even more than his failed sleeping draught. He should have known Moony would be too upset to go to class after their run-in with Regulus, now he would have to wait until class was over before he could resume his search for the boy. James had shot him a worried look when he had walked in alone, but by then Slughorn had seen him and Sirius was stuck. Severus on the other hand along with a small group of fellow Slytherins, seemed to be rather amused by the absence of the other boy. Sirius momentarily considered blowing up his waste of a potion, and making a daring and stealthy escape from the clutches of Madame Pomfrey in the Hospital wing to find Remus, but the success of such a plan seemed slim. No, he would just have to wait.

The young boy was packing up his things and out of the classroom before Slughorn had even finished dictating their homework assignment. He could get the rest of it from James later anyway, he reasoned tearing down the hall. Now where would he have gone? Their room? The astronomy tower? Maybe the kitchens? The dormitory? Sirius skidded to a halt beside a window on the second floor where a small figure was visible in the distance beneath a beech tree by the lake. Remus, Sirius thought his heart leaping into his throat as he dashed down the stairs through a group of Ravenclaws to get to down to the lake.

Remus didn't look up at the sound of fast approaching footsteps and someone gasping for breath, he knew who it must be even before the boy sat down beside him it had to be Sirius. He probably shouldn't have run away, he knew he shouldn't have skived Potions, it was becoming a bad habit lately, but he couldn't imagine being able to focus on a word Slughorn said with Regulus' words still echoing in his ears.

_"Not in front of **him**... keeping company with **mongrels **and **blood-filth** for pets... I know what you **are **Lupin... No, you are not the same as **that **freak..."_

"Remus," Sirius asked softly, gently covering the other boy's hand with his own. The sandy-haired boy didn't move, continuing to stare unseeing at the lake in front of him. "Remus, it's freezing out here, and it looks like it might rain or snow soon, let's go back inside," Sirius pleaded, but Remus continued to ignore him. "Remus, please, look at me," Sirius begged. Finally he turned to face his companion, heartbroken and tear-filled amber eyes meeting desperate silver ones.

"How did we... How did I ever think this would work," Remus stuttered little louder than a whisper, and nearly drowned out by the windy breeze that shook the tree above him. No, Sirius thought, heart dropping.

"It can work Remus." But Remus simply shook his head, avoiding Sirius' gaze once more. "Please don't give up on us, I love you," Sirius whispered softly, wrapping an arm around him, and drawing him closer to his chest.

"But it doesn't matter," Remus whispered softly.

"Remus, that's all that matters," Sirius interrupted.

"But Regulus... What he said..."

"Was total bollocks."

"It's tr-"

"It's not true. You're gay, that doesn't make you a freak."

"I'm a werewolf."

"And I've been telling you since first year I don't care about that."

"You don't understand," Remus replied sadly.

"Then help me to."

"It's dangerous enough being my friend, but being..."

"Your boyfriend," Sirius supplied. Remus nodded. "Why?"

"Werewolvesmateforlife," Remus blurted out quickly, blushing furiously.

"What was that," Sirius asked softly, leaning in to better hear him. Remus' eyes were full of tears now as they met his.

"Werewolves mate for life," he repeated more slowly, looking as though every word hurt him.

"Remus, I don't ever plan to let you go."

"No one ever does," he replied shaking his head. "It's not that simple Sirius. If you ever left, it wouldn't just hurt me, it would kill me, and I would be insanely possessive and jealous seeing you with anybody else. I can't... No one deserves that..."

"I don't understand, if it would kill you to lose me, then why are you so eager to push me away now," Sirius asked confused, trying and failing to disguise his hurt.

"Because you can still get out, walk away.. I haven't marked you yet."

"What does that mean Remus? How do you mark me," Sirius asked softly.

"I bite you," Remus whispered bursting into furious, undignified tears.

"Would that turn me..." Sirius began.

"Into a freak," Remus finished ignoring Sirius' indignant glare at his choice of words, he shook his head. "Werewolves can hold back their saliva when they are marking their mate, the bite itself isn't what turns a man into a monster."

"You are not a monster Remus, never have been, never will be."

"Regulus was right," Remus continued, ignoring the boy beside him. "Being with me would only bring you ridicule, prejudice, even hatred..."

"What I hate is you walling yourself in like this," Sirius whispered, pulling the other boy into his arms and holding him tight against his chest. "That's why your afraid to do anything more than snog isn't it? That's why you don't let me sleep next to you just before the full moon, you're afraid..."

"That I'll mark you," Remus finished hanging his head in shame.

Sirius shifted Remus in his arms slightly, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt, before gently lifting Remus' gaze to meet his once more.

"Bite me," he whispered softly, gesturing to his bare neck, an unblemished olive-toned offering for the sandy-haired boy. Remus stared, eyes growing wide. He couldn't possibly mean that, he didn't know what... "I know what I'm asking," Sirius whispered as if hearing the other boy's silent argument. The wolf within him howled hungrily, urging Remus to comply with the other boy's instructions. "I love you Remus. I wanna be with you always. Mark me," Sirius urged. "I'm yours."


	18. Surprises & A Letter from Home

Remus slowly, shakily pulled himself away from the other boy's chest. "Sirius," he whispered uncertainly. Sirius forced his eyes open, rescuing his lower lip from his teeth, and drawing in a shallow breath, before meeting the sandy-haired boys nervous eyes, forcing a gentle smile. Sirius lifted a hand to cradle his face before pulling Remus into a fervent kiss. When they finally pulled apart Remus started to lift a hand to trace the fresh and angry bite mark, before hesitating, deciding to kiss the tender spot on his neck instead.

"I'm fine Remus," Sirius whispered softly, the boy's hot breath tickling Remus' ear. "Promise."

"I'm sorry," he whispered softly, burying his face into the boy's chest.

"What in Merlin's name for?"

"I hurt you."

"You marked me," Sirius replied softly shaking his head. "And I asked you to, if I recall rightly. Now I'm yours," Sirius whispered smiling softly at him, kissing Remus' neck in the spot where the boy had bitten his own neck. "All yours," he whispered with another kiss. "Forever." Any previous regret Remus might have felt softly slipped away with each hot and insistent kiss. The wolf within growling appreciatively with a singular chant of **_mine_**.

From a far away castle window a small dark-haired boy whose nose still bore the dried blood of a recent trauma watched the two boys beside the lake, before turning away disgustedly. Who could say what that **_freak _**had done to so thoroughly brainwash and hypnotize his elder brother, but the damage was done. There would be no redeeming himself from this. Regulus headed to the Owlery to send a report to his mother.

The howler arrived the next morning at breakfast, and for those who hadn't already added two and two together, Walberga's screeching voice made abundantly clear her son's relationship with Remus, and that such insolence would not be tolerated.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! THIS FAMILY HAS ENDURED ENOUGH HEARTACHE AND SHAME AT YOUR SELFISH HANDS. YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT A DISAPPOINTMENT FROM THE START, AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR POOR BROTHER THAT HAS HAD TO COME AFTER YOU. FIRST YOU ARE SORTED INTO GRYFFINDOR. THEN I START HEARING ABOUT THESE TERRIBLE BOYS YOU CHOOSE TO ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH, AND THIS PAST SUMMER YOU RUN AWAY TO LIVE WITH ONE OF THEM? IT'S DISGRACEFUL, BUT THIS? THIS IS ONE STEP TOO FAR. I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS REMUS LUPIN IS, BUT I HOPE THAT HE CAN PROVIDE FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, AND YOU CAN FORGET SEEING A KNUT OF THE MONEY YOUR FATHER WORKED HARD TO LEAVE FOR US, UNGRATEFUL BOY! HOW YOU COULD THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT WE WOULD TOLERATE A FAGG-"

Sirius stared as the scarlet envelope exploded prematurely into a burst of sapphire flames, looking around confused.

"That's quite enough to be getting on with I think," Professor Dumbledore said softly from just behind him, poor shell-shocked Peter giving a startled jump. "My apologies Mr. Pettigrew. Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, I wonder if I might see the two of you in my office this morning once you are finished with your breakfast." Sirius forced himself to swallow the bit of toast he had been chewing on before the letter arrived, as both boys nodded slowly.

"She doesn't have a heart to break," Sirius assured the boy beside him softly, shaking his head as the headmaster swept back up to the long professor's table. "She's nutters, her and Regulus. And I'm sure I was blasted off the will and family tree the moment I left the house to live with James," Sirius whispered, gently giving Remus' hand a squeeze. "I'm yours," he whispered softer still. The dark-haired boy thought for a moment about kissing him, but uncertain how comfortable Remus was with the idea of another public display after their last fiasco, he pulled back, gently touching his own neck instead and hoping the boy would understand.

Remus had half-hoped Sirius would kiss him. He had been so close, he could feel his breath, attuned wolfish senses could smell-the strawberry jam he'd just eaten, and then for some reason he'd pulled away. Fighting his disappointment, Remus watched instead as Sirius' hand swept over the spot that bore his mark. Invisible to prying eyes, concealed by his collared shirt and tie, but the message couldn't have been more clear. He didn't regret it, he was his. Suddenly the booming screams that had filled the Great Hall moments before didn't seem to matter anymore.

Dumbledore's office was a menagerie of curiosities. Books Sirius had never seen even in his illegal late-night perusals of the Restricted Section filled shelves, while glass, brass, copper, and gold instruments glittered in the light that streamed in from the large window behind a large high-backed chair. And a Phoenix? Almost as if it heard him the magnificent bird rose from his perch and flew over to his shoulder beginning to weep. Glistening tears fell into the crook of his neck, soaking through his shirt, followed by a soft warm tingling sensation. Remus watched the exchange in awe. How had the bird known about the bite? Dumbledore entered from a door which Sirius assumed must lead to his quarters, and the bird once again took flight landing dutifully back on his perch and watching his master intently.

"Ah, I see you have met Fawkes," Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling. "You had an injury." It was not a question, although Dumbledore seemed to wait expectantly for a response from him.

"It, erm, was nothing sir," Sirius stuttered nervously, wishing to avoid any trouble.

"I shouldn't think so Mr. Black," Dumbledore contradicted, sparing a glance at Remus who couldn't help the flicker of hurt that flitted across his face at Sirius' denouncement, before leveling his gaze at him over his half-moon spectacles. "Taking that mark is not something to be entered into lightly. Fawkes may have healed the wound, but you will bear that mark for the rest of your life. I should hope you would take such a commitment seriously, and endeavor to earn it."

"Yes sir," Sirius replied feeling shamed. "I... it's not nothing, I do take it seriously," he insisted, looking towards Remus apologetically. "Remus means the world to me," he continued, eyes softening as they met amber ones. I'm so sorry Remus, I didn't mean that, Sirius thought desperately, willing the other boy to see it. "I just... Well I didn't think.."

"That I would know what that was," Dumbledore finished for him, smiling softly.

"Well, yes. And sir, if it means anything, I asked Remus to do it. Please if you need to discipline one of us, I'll take it. Please."

Remus felt his stomach drop. Sirius wasn't embarrassed, he had been trying to protect him from any trouble. Remus hadn't even thought about the possibility that Dumbledore might seek to discipline him for biting another student. The implications if someone happened to notice Sirius had a bite mark that never seemed to fully heal, or even the angry looking scar Fawkes had probably left him with suddenly came crashing down on him. What would happen to him, would he be expelled?

"Sirius, I would be lying to you both if I said the road ahead of you will be an easy one, but not everyone in the wizarding world shares your mother or brother's point-of-view on this matter. I don't see any cause for disciplining either of you. I would caution you both to be careful in concealing that mark, not everyone is as knowledgeable about the mating life of a Lycanthrope, and I daresay Remus you are already aware there are several board members who would love any reason to see you removed from this school." Remus nodded sadly. "Fortunately they only have a few more months in which to try," Dumbledore winked. "Lemon drop," he offered spontaneously popping one of the yellow treats into his mouth, before pushing the bowl towards the two boys. Each shook their head.

"Now if I understood your mother's threats correctly," Dumbledore continued turning to Sirius. "She intimated you would have no money or hearth when you left Hogwarts is that right?" Sirius nodded. "And you wanted to become an auror," he continued nodding. Sirius had to admit to being a little surprised that the headmaster knew so much about an individual student, though he supposed he had caused enough trouble in his years here to garnish some additional attention. "I trust you are already aware that will mean three more years of training after you complete your schooling here, unpaid," Dumbledore continued, frowning a little.

Remus fidgeted nervously in his seat. He knew it, what had he done? He was going to drag Sirius down with him.

"As it happens I have a small property, with my duties as Headmaster I'm afraid it has too long been empty, and has been tenantless and rather neglected these past few years. I apologize if I am speaking out of turn, but should you find yourself in need of a home, it would make a fine one I think."

"I couldn't possibly..." Sirius sputtered stunned.

"And you may well not have to," Dumbledore replied kindly. "But I daresay there is enough for a young man preparing to graduate to worry about without the threat of homelessness looming over him. If it's the charity that bothers you you can begin paying rent or buy the place from me when you finish your apprenticeship it that would be more agreeable, I will give you a fair price. But you don't have to make that decision today, at any rate I'm sure the two of you will want to discuss it first. Just some food for thought," the headmaster smiled softly at the pair. "Now I believe you both have a Transfiguration lesson to be getting off to, best not to be late." The pair nodded taking their leave of the headmaster, taking the generous, sympathetic offering in as they walked back to McGonagall's classroom.


	19. Am I the Bird?

Remus may have thought he was a terrific actor, but Sirius was not fooled. The sandy-haired boy might not have completely withdrawn himself from the group later that evening in the common room, but he was impossibly quieter than usual. It was apparent, if only to Sirius the boy was deep in thought and troubled about something, and had been since they had left Dumbledore's office that morning. The trouble was that it was surprisingly difficult to try and get a moment alone with his boyfriend after his mother's howler had confirmed their relationship for Hogwarts' rumor mill. Bitch, Sirius thought again angrily.

"Sirius," Remus whispered surprised as the dark-haired boy slipped stealthily under the comforter and into his bed, waving his wand to cast a silencing charm around the four poster.

"Relax Remus, I'm still wearing my pajamas aren't I," Sirius chuckled softly. "Merlin," he whispered causing Remus to blush, as he shook his head. "Now how about you spill whatever it is that's been eating at you since this morning. Is it the howler, or something Dumbl-"

"I'm the wife in this relationship aren't I?" Remus hadn't meant to blurt it out, and immediately felt it sounded stupid aloud, regretting ever saying anything.

"Wha-," Sirius choked confused. What in bloody hell was that supposed to mean? Was that why he jumped when he had crawled into bed beside him? Didn't he know by now that he would never make him doing anything he didn't want to do. Sure Sirius didn't really have much experience where this was concerned, but honestly how complicated could the mechanics really be? If Remus didn't want to bottom, Sirius thought trailing off into thought. Remus sighed, too late now he thought, repeating himself a little louder, but no less nervously as Sirius stared on blankly.

"It's just," Remus continued cutting him off. "Well your mother, Regulus, Dumbledore, they all assume I'm going to move in with you after we graduate..." Sirius didn't bother to say he didn't give a damn what the first two, hell really all three thought about their relationship if it wasn't in favor of it.

"You don't want to," Sirius asked softly, trying to hide his surprise and disappointment.

"No, of course I do, but you have to admit that's a pretty big step, and you haven't ever actually asked me to move in with you before," Remus said finally.

"I haven't asked you to marry me yet either," Sirius replied, eyebrows furrowed, but eyes betraying an amused curiosity. "So what's with this 'I'm the wife' stuff?"

"Dumbledore wasn't talking to me when he said you could pay rent or buy his house from him."

"Sure he was, he was talking to both of us."

"Don't be daft Sirius, what are the odds of... somebody like me getting a job? If they didn't find out before I was hired it would only be a matter of looking into the days I took off every month before I was canned."

"So what," Sirius challenged, gently taking Remus' hand in his under the covers.

"So, you'd be the sole breadwinner. You'd have to take care of me for the rest of your life." Sirius laughed.

"Is that where this 'am I the bird' nonsense is coming from," Sirius asked, suddenly feeling foolish and rather perverse for his earlier train of thought. "Remus what in Merlin's name makes you think I give a damn about whether or not you are bringing home a paycheck?"

"You should," Remus insisted. "Without Dumbledore we might have been homeless. I... I would have made you homeless."

"No," Sirius replied so sharply Remus looked up from where he had been staring at his drawn in knees under the covers. "That thinking stops right here and now Remus Lupin, I forbid it. You are not allowed to have any more such thoughts, do you understand me," Sirius asked firmly. Remus nodded rather reluctantly. "Despite what the gossips are saying, you don't have me under the influence of some potion or spell, right? Right, I chose this, Remus. I chose you. I don't care what that means. Whatever it means, we'll get through it, together," Sirius moved in closer, pulling the smaller boy into his chest and hugging him with this last pronouncement.

"Besides," Sirius whispered, gently sweeping some sandy-blonde hair out of the way so he could see the other boy's face below him. "You can cook, right," he teased, squeezing him once more. Remus nodded with a laugh. "Oh thank Merlin, I'd hate for us to starve, I'm rubbish in the kitchen." Remus smiled, relaxing finally for the first time since that morning and daring to believe Sirius-that everything would be alright, nestling himself more comfortably into his boyfriend's chest and listening to the slow and steady sound of his breaths and heartbeat until he fell asleep.

The first thing Remus was aware of the next morning was the familiar and welcome scent of his boyfriend, followed swiftly by a achy stiffness in his muscles. Poor Sirius, had he really slept on his chest like this all night? Remus became suddenly aware of stiffness of a different sort from the boy beneath him, but ignored it.

Sitting up cautiously in case the other boy was still asleep Remus' eyes met smiling silver ones. He had been on the verge of saying good morning, when Sirius grabbed him pulling him down into a an enthusiastic kiss.

"Good morning," Sirius beamed, as Remus still a little breathless managed a soft, still a little sleepy smile.

Merlin, he hadn't meant to do it. He had only meant to roll off of him, surely Sirius would like the opportunity to stretch sore and sleeping muscles, not that he'd voiced any complaint. But Remus' feet somehow impossibly tangled in the bedsheets tripped him up, and the hand meant to stabilize him brushed against the slight tent in the other boy's pajama bottoms, the very thing he had been attempting to avoid. Sirius said not one word, for fear of frightening or intimidating the other boy, but even Remus could see it was clearly a great effort. His bottom lip paying the price for the groan that stopped just behind his teeth.

"Have a good dream," Remus asked, decided to play the whole thing off and hopefully move on from the incident, aware of a growing blush creeping up the neck of his pajamas.

"Had good company," Sirius replied honestly, shooting him a sleepy early-morning smile. Damn, Remus thought silently this was not how he had anticipated the conversation going. Couldn't they just forget about it. "What about you?"

Remus had had several fantastic dreams, but he wasn't sure that he was ready to share them, even with his boyfriend yet. He wasn't sure how much Sirius knew or understood the mechanics or what he might like. Merlin, he wasn't even really sure what he liked or wanted, but he certainly had never spoken any such thoughts out loud, and he wasn't altogether sure about starting now. Maybe someday...

"I'd take that as a yes," Sirius grinned, glancing down at the other boy's pajamas which had developed a slight bulge while he had been lost in thought. Remus didn't have time to blush before Sirius had gently pushed him back down onto the bed and rolled into his side, and gentle hand sliding slowly down his chest.


	20. Say When

"Sirius," Remus whispered softly, a shaky hand deftly arresting his hand which had been centimeters from the drawstring of his pajama bottoms. "I..." he sputtered, pushing the hand back towards the owner. He couldn't say it, but he wasn't ready for wherever this was headed. Sirius let his hand drop back to the mattress, watching the other boy carefully.

"It's alright Moony," he whispered softly, offering a soft peck on the cheek. "I don't want to do anything you don't want to do."

"But you do Sirius, and you have, that's the problem. I've never..." Sirius didn't bother to correct him that he had never done any of this with another boy before, Remus knew that.

"I know," he replied softly instead. "You have to work up to some of this stuff, that's okay. It is Remus," he assured him seeing the lingering doubt written on his face. "You're worth waiting for," he whispered, kissing him once more. "I don't want to go to far, I don't want to make you do anything you aren't ready for or you don't want to. So tell me how far I'm allowed to go, I'll respect that."

_Tell me how far I'm allowed to go_, the words seemed to echo in the silence around them.

"Not sex," Remus blurted out. Merlin, he thought mentally kicking himself, that was articulate. But he couldn't help being put on the spot, and Sirius might be a highly sexual individual, but Remus was, well he wasn't relaxed enough to talk about that sort of thing casually. He hoped that was shyness and inexperience, and not because he was a prude. It wasn't as if he didn't think about or want those things, he just wasn't quite ready to talk about them or pursue them yet.

"Alright," Sirius said softly, forcing himself not to laugh and make the boy even more uncomfortable. "No sex," he repeated softly. "Anything else?"

"I don't know," Remus confessed nervously. "I... I just need to go slow. I know you're trying to respect my boundaries, but I haven't done _any_ of this Sirius," Remus emphasized. "Some of it, I can't know if I'm comfortable with it until we get there," he replied honestly, avoiding Sirius' eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry Remus. Never be sorry," Sirius replied softly, drawing the boy's gaze back up to his own. "I wish that I'd waited for you, so I could give you something as precious as you're offering me." Remus smiled weakly, still not entirely convinced, and not entirely disappointed at least one of them might know a little about what they were doing. "I was going to touch you, would that be alright?" Remus held back a groan, feeling the tent Sirius had noticed in his trouser bottoms becoming more prominant. Merlin, he wanted that, more than anything. Yes Sirius, he thought hungrily, touch me, touch me like your fingertips are a paintbrush, hold me, kiss me. But Remus said none of those things, afraid of sounding too needy or randy after a night of wonderful dreams about his best friend and the boy who lay beside him in bed.

"I... Can we start with on top of the clothes first," Remus managed finally.

"Of course," Sirius replied softly. "Would it make you more comfortable if you were the one in control?" Remus hesitated, blushing furiously. Him in charge? He couldn't imagine it would help, what in the name of Merlin was he supposed to do, where was he supposed to start? Sirius smiled, one step at a time, how ever long it took. Remus was clearly having some difficulty saying aloud what he wanted. "How about this, I'm going to kiss you again, and you can kiss me or touch me wherever you are comfortable with me kissing and touching you, would that be better?" They could work up to talking later, Sirius thought rationally, enjoying the idea of Remus one day being able to tell him exactly what he wanted. Slowly Remus nodded.

Sirius pulled the boy into a gentle kiss before allowing his hands to drop to his sides. Sirius inhaled, taking in the scent that was only Remus as though it were his very oxygen. It killed him not to touch him, but if this was what it took to earn his trust and build his confidence, Sirius didn't doubt for a moment that the sandy-haired boy who began tentitively kissing him back was worth it. They would have the rest of their lives to be together.

Remus frowned as Sirius' hands that ordinarily roamed freely across his chest, fingers tangled in his hair, dropped back to the mattress at his sides, he wasn't sure he liked the other boy being so submissive. Remus found his kisses becoming more insistant in an effort to coax him back into the sort of kisses they had shared before. Like that one in the hallway the night they had decided to come clean about the room, and their relationship with their friends and housemates. Remus tried but failed to hold back a groan at the thought, and found himself shifting to stradle Sirius' leg the way it had pushed between his when he had pinned him against the wall. It took every bit of self-restraint Sirius had not to touch him then, Remus' soft groan like a lightning bolt of electricity shooting up his spine. Remus' hands tugged softly at his long black locks, eyes hungry and pleading, finally his hands slid down his chest, clutching desperately at every part of him, before finding the courage to ghost over the bulge in his pajama bottoms.

Sirius couldn't have bit back his groan of pleasure if he had wanted to. Remus' long and thin pianist fingers gently tracing his hips, the inside of his thighs, and now solid bulge in his pants. Sirius felt his head tip backwards deeper into the pillow, his eyes rolling back behind closed lids. He was vaguely aware of hearing the other boy's name on his lips before pulling him down on top of him for another passionate kiss.


	21. Making Plans

Remus felt his face flush with embarrasment, avoiding Sirius' eyes as he dug through his trunk for another pair of trousers and underwear before quickly disappearing into the bathroom. He felt dirty, pathetic, and more than a little guilty. A simple touch from Sirius it seemed, and he had come completely undone, and while Sirius certainly hadn't complained about anything he had done, he hadn't lost himself, he wasn't the one changing out of wet underpants. Had he done something wrong? Maybe Sirus was having second thoughts, or...

"It's nothing to be embarressed about Remus." The sandy-haired boy jumped, when had he come in?

"Sirius," Remus admonished. What was he doing in here? Sirius shrugged unconcernedly.

"Sorry to crash your party, but I had to make sure my gorgeous boyfriend wasn't in here beating himself up or feeling sorry for himself," Sirius smiled softly, wrapping his arms around Remus' waist. He'd been thinking about a shower, a few more minutes and he would have been naked, Remus wondered if Sirius had planned that on purpose and simply got the timing wrong, not waited quite long enough before following him in. "I meant that Remus, there's nothing to be embarressed about."

"You didn't cum," Remus whispered nearly inaudibly and flushing an even deeper shade of scarlet. Sirius nodded, he suspected that might be part of what was bothering the other boy.

"No, I didn't," Sirius confirmed. "That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy that Remus," he added softly, dropping a soft kiss on the nape of his neck. "It's like you said, you haven't done any of this stuff before, I have. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You were fantastic. I just need to do a little more than just on top of the clothes stuff to get there."

"Like what?"

"We have all the time in the world to get there Remus, promise,"Sirius whispered, hugging him affectionately before letting him go, and leaving him to his shower.

He was right of course, he should have been happy, grateful to have such a patient boyfriend. And he was. Really. But Remus still felt it was more than a little unfair that Sirius hadn't seemed to get as much out of their messing around as he had, and as he toweled off a few minutes later and pulled on clean clothes walking out to their dormitory where Sirius lounged lazily on his staring out the window, he resolved to settle the score.

Sirius surprised him later that afternoon opening up to him about his past relationships. It hadn't been as hard to talk about as Remus had feared it would be. He had known long before Sirius wasn't a virgin, but most of his relationships had been sadly empty, and sorely lacking, Remus found himself feeling rather sorry for him more than begrudging his experience. He wasn't nearly so jealous of the girls who had once called Sirius Black their boyfriend, comfortable in the knowledge that they had never and would never know, understand, and possess him in the way that he Remus Lupin did. The sandy-haired boy had to fight the ridiculous grin he felt spreading to his face there at the table beside his friends at lunch. He didn't really want to share his revelation with anyone else yet.

"Got any plans this weekend," Sirius asked suddenly. Remus frowned, furrowing his brows, for someone who had been spending most of his time with him, the question seemed an awkward segway at best, and a little uncharacteristically nervous for a normally self-assured Sirius.

"Well," Remus replied thinking for a moment. "I could probably finish my Potions essay tonight if I start on it after dinner... Why did you have something in mind?"

"I was thinking... well, have you given any more thought to what Dumbledore was talking about?"

"The house?"

"Yeah."

"Not a lot," Remus repiled truthfully.

"Well I thought, maybe since Christmas break starts this weekend we might make a trip of it, go check the place out. Dumbledore gave me a key, said we were welcome to stop by and look around any time."

"Is it furnished," Remus asked. Sirius shrugged.

"I dunno."

"Didn't Dumbledore say it hadn't been lived in for some time, that it was probably dusty?"

"Sounds familiar," Sirius replied unconcernedly.

"Well where would we sleep?"

"Camp out on the floor if we had to, I suppose. I dunno, does it really matter Remus? It's an adventure, something new, just the two of us. Even if it's a dump, we'd be spending time together, we can laugh at what a slum it is together."

"I can't imagine Dumbledore ever living in a slum."

"Well, there you go, what are you worrying about then? So whatdya say? Come check out our future home with me?" It sounded tempting, very tempting. For a moment Remus half-wished he was impulsive or at least more certain of things like Sirius.

"What do I tell my dad, he'll be expecting me to come home for the holiday?"

"Tell him whatever you want to Remus, you're 17. I'm sure he'll understand if you want to start making your own holiday plans. You always come back talking about how awkward it is coming home and spending any time with him is since..."

"Since my mother died," Remus finished for him. "It is, but that doesn't mean he's not family, and he doesn't deserve to be alone on the holidays."

"You're too nice Moony, you think about everyone else ahead of yourself. You're allowed to be happy too you know. What do you want to do for the holiday then?"

"I want to be with you," Remus said finally, smiling tenderly at his now beaming boyfriend. "But maybe we could visit my dad over the holiday. For a day, or maybe just a few hours?"

"Of course Moony, whatever you want."


	22. What's Mine is Yours

Dear Dad,

I know we haven't had much opportunity to talk since I left for school this year, I hope this finds you well. I'm doing well in my studies and as you know I will be graduating at the end of next term. With that in mind I'm trying to give more serious and in-depth consideration for my future. I know many times you have tried to remind me of my limited prospects due to my condition, and truth be told I am still uncertain of where I will be applying in a few months, but Professor Dumbledore has generously offered his old house which is no longer in use and said that I needn't worry about paying any rent until I secure myself a post somewhere.

To that end I wanted to let you know that I will be spending the bulk of this holiday break with friends checking out potential jobs and places to live when we all graduate in the spring.

I'd still like to see you, I don't like the idea of you spending the whole of the holidays on your own, and there's someone very special that I would like for you to meet. Please owl me whenever you can about when the best date and time to see you would be, even if it's just going out for lunch or dinner somewhere.

Your Son,

Remus

* * *

"Very swave," Sirius grinned reading the note over his shoulder. "Bit formal though, don't you think?"

"Who's dad am I writing this for?"

"Alright, yeah I reckon you know him better than I do," the other boy conceeded.

"Not really," Remus sighed folding the letter up before handing it to Sirius' owl to deliver. "He won't like you," Remus whispered hanging his head sadly.

"Bullocks, everyone likes me. What's not to like?"

"You come from a well-off family..."

"Soon to be disinheireted," Sirius corrected.

"So he won't trust you," Remus continued ignoring him. "You're handsome, so he'll wonder what it is you're playing at associating with me. Oh yeah," he continued before Sirius could protest. "And there's the fact that I will finally be confirming the 'impossible' fear in the back of his mind-that his son is a fag-"

"No don't say that, don't you dare."

"Best get used to it, that's the word he'll use, maybe worse," Remus continued, tearing up in spite of himself.

"Then your dad is a damn fool. There is nothing wrong with you Remus. Nothing wrong with you being gay, a werewolf... Hell I'd love you if you suddenly sprouted a second head and turned purple. Might make snogging a bit more difficult, but..."

"Sirius?"

"Yeah mate?"

"I love you," Remus smilled pulling his boyfriend down into his lap on the common room couch for a kiss.

"It'll be alright. It was 'impossible' for me too once, your dad might come around after he has some time to adjust to the idea. It'd be nice for him to be happy for us, but I'm not going anywhere just because he doesn't take a shine to me. I fought too hard to get you to give you up that easily. I'm yours Remus, just try and get rid of me."

"Never," Remus whispered pulling him into another kiss.

The thought of Friday afternoon carried both boys through a week that seemed to drag on impossibly long, but as the pair of them stood outside Dumbledore's former home in Godric's Hollow it seemed almost dreamlike. The gentle snowfall made it seem almost as if they had stepped into a snowglobe not onto the path of what might soon be their walk.

"Well it beats the hell out of Grimmauld place any day," Sirius declared happily. Remus chuckled, he had never visited Sirius' former home, but he knew enough of his family history and dynamics, not to mention the fact he had run away to live with the Potters to understand his sentiments.

"We haven't even been inside yet Sirius," he reminded the excited boy beside him, though even he had to admit the house looked great from the outside despite it's dry spell of tennants.

"Yeah, but Moony," Sirius beamed. "Whatever is on the other side of that door, my mother, brother, and that hateful little house-elf aren't in there." Remus smiled taking the other boy's hand in his.

"Shall we then?"

"Moony mate, you read my mind," Sirius winked, half-skipping up the path to the door.

The house was surprisingly tidy for someplace that hadn't been occupied in years. Remus thought it looked as though perhaps knowing that they would be coming Dumbledore had visited to perform at least a few basic cleansing spells. The furnishings were sparce, but what little remained seemed to be sturdy and of good quality. A single coffee table inhabited the living room with a nice looking stone fireplace and hearth. Remus made a point of inspecting the kitchen appliances: which all seemed to be in working order, and kept much more modern than the rest of the house, and investigating the rooms for a potential library. Sirius meanwhile had wasted no time at all making a bee-line up the stairs.

"This will never work out," Sirius chuckled as Remus found him sprawled out on a small single bed that had been left behind.

"The house," Remus asked surprised.

"Don't be daft, the bed Moony. We'll never fit both of us on this old thing," he replied sitting up suddenly concerned. "Why, you don't like the place?"

"I'm not altogether comfortable with living here without giving Dumbledore some sort of compensation," Remus admitted. "But I don't see how I could possibly find a better opportunity."

"We'll pay him back,"Sirius soothed, crossing the room and drawing him into an affectionate hug. "So really, you like it?" One would have thought Sirius had built the place with his own two hands the way he smiled with pride as Remus nodded.

"Of course I do."

"Good," Sirius pronounced. "C'mon then." Suddenly and without a word of warning Remus felt himself swirling and clutched tighter to the other boy. A moment later they were regaining themselves in the alley beside the Hog's Head. Remus shook his head, it wouldn't do any good to scold Sirius, and anyway he looked so excited Remus didn't have it in him. He had a sickening feeling however, this business of randomly grabbing and apparating them somewhere would not be a one time occurance, and mentally tried to prepare himself for the next time.

"Alright Padfoot, so where are we going?" Sirius grinned at the boy's use of his nickname. Remus had amusedly resigned himself to follow through with whatever his plan was then. Remus never could tell him no, Sirius wondered if he knew the same applied to him.

"Well to Gringotts first and foremost, and then, to get some furniture so we can start making that house our home."

"Sirius," Remus began to protest reluctantly. "We can't afford to shop anywhere around here for furniture, the shops are too expensive," the sandy-haired boy whispered as they passed a witch sweeping the stoop of her store-front. "We'll have to get some older hand-me-down stuff where we can,maybe some muggle shops. We can make the best of what we have."

"What we have," Sirius chuckled. "Is a coffee table, a few bookshelves, and a bed that was probably built for a 10-year old. We need some furniture Remus, for sanity's sake at least. Trust me, you can afford it," Sirius said handing the goblin the other boy's key he had stealthily slipped from his pocket, watching the goblin open the vault.

"Me? Sirius, what are you talking about? I'm lucky if I have a couple galleons or two to my n-" Remus haulted mid-sentence as the door to his vault swung open to reveal several large piles of galleons and sickles. There had to be a mistake. "Where in the name of Merlin-"

"I told you, you could afford it," Sirius grinned.

"Sirius where-"

"After mum's howler I figured it might be a good idea to move what I could before she could get her claws on it. She can disinheirit me if she wants to, but she can't control the money that's already been left to me. Not anymore anyway. So far as she's concerned, I'm every bit the terrible, irresponsible son Regulus has painted me to be and I squandered it all already."

"So this is yours."

"Ours, Remus. This is ours. Now c'mon," he urged grabbing a handful of galleons and shoving them into his pockets. "We have some shopping to do."


	23. Out of Your League

Remus stared at the shop apprehensively, he could scarcely think of anything more terrifying, more distinctly, stereotyped 'gay' than shopping for furniture. Suddenly he wished he were here with Lily, not for any lack of love for the boy beside him, but if he couldn't be normal, at least with a nice and attractive enough girl beside him he might look the part. It couldn't possibly be true, but somehow it felt that every set of eyes that had passed them that day were eying the pair of them suspiciously. Was it that obvious? Could they tell just by looking at them? Remus had thought he had done a good job of hiding it for years, and yet all the marauders and Lily had known, was he so transparent, or was that simply because they were all so close? He hadn't even taken Sirius' hand when he had offered it, trying hard to ignore the momentary hurt look that had passed over the other boy's face.

"Honestly Remus, it's just a bed, it's not like it has teeth or anything like my mum's furniture. The world's not going to end just because two devilishly handsome blokes are buying furniture together. It's not as though we're the first gay wizards to-" Remus made to shush him as a passing witch stopped to eye the pair of them curiously, but the other boy paid the witch even less attention than the protests of his companion beside him.

"Sirius, you, you're... You can't just say things like that where anyone could hear you. You're not just any wizard, you're..."

"A Black, and people recognize me. I know, you're beginning to sound like Reggie, Rem," Sirius sighed heavily. "It's more important to me that I'm yours," Sirius continued, softly gesturing to his neck where beneath the scarf the mark of this sentiment resided. "I'm not ashamed of it, I'd show it off if I didn't think that would make you uncomfortable. Other people going to have to get used to it eventually, and I don't give a damn what any of them think anymore."

Remus still looked rather nervous so Sirius took his hand in his and gave it a firm reassuring squeeze. "We need a bed Moony. If you don't want to be a part of shopping for a sofa or curtains that's fine, but I need you in on this one mate," Sirius pleaded. "When you're ready," he whispered softly in the boy's ear so no one could overhear them, "we're going to make love on this bed." Remus felt his knees buckle in spite of himself. "Help me pick one."

Remus swallowed, nodding as the boy beside him broke into an ear to ear grin. Sirius hoped eventually to bring Remus around to the idea of more shopping trips, of making love on their new sofa, their desk, and anywhere else they could think of, but baby steps, they would have the rest of their lives to get around to that. And seeing the momentary flash of amber, wolfish lust in Moony's eyes at the mention of making love on their new bed rather than the usual flush of embarrassment and prompt ducking to avoid his gaze seemed a good step in the right direction.

Some hours later the pair lay sprawled out on the bed they had finally agreed upon. The house was beginning to look more like home, their home, and both boys found themselves anxious for the day they would truly settle in here.

"Sirius," Remus mumbled attempting not to moan as the other boy straddled his back and began massaging his shoulders and neck. "Sirius, what are you doing, this is ridiculous, we levitated the bed up the stairs."

"Exactly, so why are your muscles so tense? Just relax, let me help you feel good." Remus bit back another moan at this, allowing himself to sink into the pillows submitting to Sirius' deft hands as they massaged his shoulders. "I'm sorry Moony," he whispered softly into his ear leaving a gentle kiss on his neck. "I didn't realize going out like that would be that stressful for you. But you have to admit this bed is infinitely better than that tiny single that was in here when we got here."

"It'sokay," Remus replied softly, voice muffled by the pillows he'd buried his face in, somehow already they smelled wonderfully of Sirius. "I suppose I'll have to get used to it sooner or later," he concluded lifting his head up to meet his gaze. "And it's nice that it's starting to look like we actually belong here now."

Sirius thought for a moment that the easiest way for Remus to get used to the new bed might be to insure he hardly left it for the next few days before realizing he was referring to going out with him, and frowned.

"Is it really so bad, being seen with me mate?" Remus gently took hold of Sirius' hips anchoring him in place, and forced himself to flip over to make more direct eye contact with him, then forced himself to ignore the fact this put him hip to hip atop him, slowly letting his hands slide back down to his sides, clenching them in the sheets in an attempt to send blood elsewhere. There had to be something more eloquent to say besides the tired "it's not you, it's me" argument, but Remus couldn't think of one, and having the handsome and tempting boy astride him was definitely not helping his concentration.

"Sirius," Remus began, trying to think of anything he might say to wipe that horrible heart-wrenching, doubting, uncertainty from the usually cocky boys eyes. "Sirius you are the handsomest guy at Hogwarts, hell probably in the wizarding world. Any witch or wizard would be barking not to want to be seen with you, and you know it. It's just what have I got? I'm not much too look at, and I..." he had been about to discuss his prospects, or his condition before catching the disapproving look from the other boy and halting himself. Sirius had all but made him promise not to bring such things up, and after seeing their vault in Gringotts, it hardly seemed to matter anymore, though the thought of it still made him uncomfortable. "It's just people must look at me with you like the Slytherins did-that I must have you under some spell or potion, or something...I.." Sirius' face softened. So it wasn't anything to do with lack of affection for him, merely self-doubt on the other boy's part. Good, Sirius thought relieved, he could handle that.

"You don't love me just because I'm handsome and other people want to be with me Remus," the dark-haired boy whispered softly.

"No, of course not, Merlin. You're smart..."

"Not nearly as much as you," Sirius contradicted smiling.

"You're great at making me laugh.."

"I like hearing you laugh." Truth be told, Sirius was pretty sure it was his favorite sound in the whole world. Well, maybe second to the way he whispered his name in those rare moments when he managed to surprise him and kiss him until he was breathless. But a close second. Sirius smiled softly.

"And you've always been there, you've never given up in me," Remus whispered softly, eyes growing wet in spite of himself.

"And I never will mate. Never," Sirius swore fervently. Remus tried not to shiver, and give himself away. Afterall Sirius had been calling him mate for years, it didn't really mean anything. Except it did. Lying there together in bed, the mark on his neck now clearly visible, they were mates. He, Sirius Black, was his, and Remus was his, and the wolf within definitely approved of the new possessive possibilities of the term. "Mate," Sirius tried again stirring the boy from his reverie.

"Yeah," Remus replied attempting to shrug off the embarrassment of having been caught daydreaming with the boy in question right in front of him.

"There's this guy that's beautiful-in every sense of he word," Sirius began. Remus tried to force back the jealousy that momentarily flared up, until the other boy began trailing featherlight caresses down his arms, over his chest, and he realized that Sirius was talking about him, and blushed. You fool, he thought, but the thought was brief as Remus felt himself flushing still more at the delicate attention with which the other boy traced every plane as though attempting to paint his body with his fingers. Remus forced himself with great effort back down to Earth to hear what the other boy was saying about him. "He's got this tender heart, so fragile, but you'll never find someone more kind, more patient. He's absolutely brilliant, and funny. Blimey, he's the smartest, and bravest guy I know. Because no matter what bloody terrible things life, or even the people closest to him throw at him, he still there. Still standing, he never gives up on anybody" Sirius continued smiling softly at the boy under him. "Except himself. And that's why I'm not giving up until you see that guy, because that's exactly what I see every time that I look at you Remus. There's nobody else, never could be that would even come close. That's why I don't care what anybody thinks or says about us being together, because you aren't the one who has something to prove Remus, you've proven yourself a hundred times over. You're the one that's way out of my league, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to earn the love and trust that you've given me."


	24. A HouseWarming Gift

**FOR MY READERS: Well readers, first of all I want to thank all of you for sticking with this story. As some of you know this was initially a one-shot and might have ended after the first chapter. But it was never for lack of love for the pairing. Remus & Sirius always were and always will be my OTP. Mostly I was afraid to write, and to post any stories on their behalf, much less anything that went beyond fluff because of what those close to me would think or say about it. Their struggles (even if only in mine and other's fictional worlds) with coming to terms with themselves, coming out, and sexuality are very close to my heart and my own personal journey. It has been in many ways very liberating and encouraging to return to really fleshing out this story, and to hear from all of you. So thank you all for your encouragement, your comments, and messages. I love hearing from all of you, even criticisms, I know there's still a lot of room for improvement in my story writing. That said, this story is rated "M," and will live up to it's rating in this chapter, and I couldn't in good conscience for those younger or more modest readers post this chapter without some warning. For those of you readers who would prefer not to read an intimate and explicit scene feel free to skip and not read this chapter. The plot of this overall story will not be much worse for it, and thank you again for reading and all your reviews for "Redemption."**

* * *

Remus said nothing, for a moment he simply stared into the captivating silver eyes so full of love that stared back down at him. What on Earth could one say that could possibly follow something so beautiful as that? But, Sirius it seemed wasn't awaiting any sort of response, instead he made to gently collapse into the other boy's arms, head resting on his chest, listening to his strong, and steady heartbeat. Remus tried to relax and reciprocate the gesture, but found it impossible, it wasn't for lack of wanting the boy close to him, quite the opposite. This wasn't nearly close enough for Remus' liking.

The lust was particularly strong being so close to the full moon, but it was more than that. He had been fighting the wolf's attraction to his friend for years of transformations. This was so much more: a growing passion and impatience that was outgrowing his doubts, insecurities and fears about being intimate. Lifting Sirius' head up and angling his own, Remus pulled the dark-haired boy back down into an all-consuming, passionate kiss.

"I love you," Remus whispered breathless when they had finally pulled apart to catch their breath.

"Yeah, I suppose I love you too," Sirius grinned teasing him. Remus replied by way of a playful shove pushing the boy off his chest onto the mattress beside him.

"You suppose," Remus asked incredulously. "Well I guess I'll just have to see what I can do to convince you then, won't I?" Sirius barely had time to register the amber gleam in Remus' eyes before the other boy all but pounced on him, continuing his fervent kisses, and began attacking the buttons of his shirt.

"B-Bugger..." Sirius managed to groan.

"That's what I'm hoping," Remus whispered softly giving his ear lobe a quick nip. Bloody hell, what in the worl-

"Wait," Sirius muttered, sitting up. "What?"

Remus blushed, he'd hoped simply to dive into it, before he could give it a second thought, or think about his inexperience, but Sirius it seemed had a different vision. Remus tried again jump back in, to kiss the boy's neck, but Sirius softly pushed him back to meet his gaze.

"Remus?"

"I..." he mumbled, feeling his nervousness return. Had he done something wrong, Sirius had seemed to be enjoying what he had been doing up to that point. Why had he made him stop?

"What do you want," Sirius whispered softly, tucking a rogue strand of his sandy hair behind his ear.

"Do I have to say it?"

"Can you," Sirius challenged gently. Remus felt himself growing frustrated. Was he doing this deliberately to torture him? After Remus had waited, albeit perhaps not so patiently, all day for a moment alone with him to act on what talking of their future and hints about christening their new bed had done to him.

"I... I want to make love, Sirius," he whispered softly. Sirius barely managed to bite back a moan, and was suddenly aware of a rush of blood and twitch at a rather prominent bulge in his pants. Merlin.

"Fuck," Sirius cursed, clutching the sheets beneath his frustratedly. Admittedly Remus thought that this idea held equal appeal and a soft internal growl from the wolf seemed to agree, though he suspected their first time would have to be gentle.

"What," Remus asked nervously.

"Rem, we can't just... That is..." Sirius tried through his frustration. "Remus, look at me," he demanded sternly when he noticed the boy's face had dropped. "Don't you dare start thinking this has anything to do with you. I mean it. Remus this is going to hurt at first, maybe even a lot. It has nothing to do with not wanting to. I just don't want this to be anymore painful than it has to be. We don't have any sort of lubrication, and I don't know of any spells..." Sirius cursed his thoughtlessness, but then he hadn't needed to know any of those sorts of spells for the few girls he had been with. "Have you even thought about whether or not you want to top or bottom?"

Remus had to admit he hadn't. Though a more defiant part of him thought it shouldn't matter so much so long as he was with Sirius which position he was.

"Think about it," Sirius encouraged. "We can go out tomorrow and pick up some lubricant." And maybe a pain or numbing potion for the day after, Sirius added thoughtfully. Truth be told, Sirius hadn't thought much about who would be on top either. He supposed he would, only because Remus seemed to be less confident about the whole thing, and he was more aggressive and assertive, but after tonight's display he was beginning to doubt that was true. Remus it seemed had plenty of potential to be every bit as assertive and aggressive as he was with enough confidence and encouragement. Perhaps the added boost had something to do with the wolf being closer to bursting out with the approaching full moon. Sirius made a mental note to see whether or not their were any books about the sexual practices of werewolves, though he didn't get his hopes up. Too bad, he thought smiling, the wizarding world was missing out.

A sudden tug on his shirt lifting it from his trousers brought the handsome dark-haired boy back to Earth. Remus had managed to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt and was proceeding to trail slow, wet kisses down his chest.

"Rem?" Remus chuckled softly, stopping at the waist of his pants, and glancing up at him.

"Just because we can't make love tonight, doesn't mean we can't do anything else," he whispered softly kissing the hair that trailed away beneath his pants as he worked on the button and zipper. No it most certainly didn't, but Sirius certainly hadn't expected this.

Sirius barely had time to shiver from the chill that washed over him as Remus pulled his underpants down with his trousers, before the other boy had covered his now throbbing need with his warm, wet mouth.

Oh bloody hell, Sirius thought head crashing back into the pillows, eyes rolling backward.

Remus forced himself to focus on Sirius, what he was feeling, the sensation of him in his mouth, his familiar smell, rather than think about the fact he didn't truthfully know what he was doing. Following the lead of the other boy's moans, and wild clutches for any part of him Sirius could reach. Sirius was doing his best not to buck up into his mouth, not wishing to choke him, but... Merlin how did somebody who was normally so nervous and insecure about anything related to sex learn how to do that with their tongue? Remus grinned in spite of himself around Sirius' arousal, the dark-haired boy's legs had clamped together around his head, and he was now yanking at his hair. Whatever his lack of experience that had to mean he was doing something right. Unaccustomed to this kind of attention from him, it took very little time for Sirius to feel himself reaching his limits.

"Remus I.. I'm.." Sirius tried to warn him. Remus pulled back allowing him to fall out of his mouth with a soft pop. Sirius tried not to groan at the loss of contact, before Remus took him in hand.

"It's okay," Remus whispered softly, running his hand gently up and down the length of him, before dropping back down to lick him from base to tip. "Let go," he whispered kissing away what had leaked from the tip. "Please Sirius," Remus plunged his mouth back down over Sirius once more, and it was too much. His name on the other boy's lips and the feeling of his hot mouth surrounding him once more was more than he could take. Sirius saw stars, swears, promises of love, and Merlin knew what spilled from his mouth as he spilled himself into the back of the other boy's mouth.

"Bloody-fucking-hell," Sirius whispered breathlessly, pulling the other boy up to his chest and wrapping a blanket around them.

For a moment neither boy said anything, content simply to be near to one another. Remus sighed softly, finally nestling into Sirius' chest, wrapping his arms about him.

"It's real isn't it? This is our home," Remus whispered softly.

"Yeah," Sirius smiled chuckling softly. "Welcome home Moony."


	25. Family

"Alright, now tell me where in bloody hell you learned how to do that?"

"Did I do it well," Remus asked looking up from Sirius' chest to meet his silver eyes.

"Don't you start getting cheeky with me," Sirius chuckled shooting him a mock glare. "You know you did, now answer the question."

"Research," Remus replied shrugging.

"Do tell."

"Nothing much to tell. I wanted to make you feel as good as you make me, so I conceded my own lack of experience and decided to look some things up."

"Hmmm might have known you would turn to a book," Sirius smiled, stroking the other boy's hair.

"I didn't say it was a book," Remus smiled shyly.

"Well what the-"

"I might have watched a video or two..."

"Where would you find any sort of instructional..." Sirius gasped looking down at the now furiously blushing boy who lay on his chest. "You watched porn? You?"

"It's not that weird. Most guys do, you can't tell me you never..."

"Of course I couldn't, it'd be a bold-faced lie, but I never thought you would..."

"What?"

"Well I dunno, be into that sort of thing? To be honest I haven't really looked much into any of the gay stuff before. Did you find anything good?"

"Well you seemed to think so," Remus laughed, slowly regaining his confidence.

"Shut it, I mean did you see anything that you liked. Anything you might want to try sometime," Sirius prodded gently.

"Maybe," Remus mumbled softly.

"Well, maybe you can show me your 'research' sometime. Or maybe we could do some research together." Remus thought he liked the sound of that, but Sirius didn't wait for a reply, pushing him off his chest before climbing on top of him and pulling his sweater over his head.

"What are you doing now?"

"Returning the favor," Sirius replied with a wink.

* * *

Sirius awoke the next morning to sunbeams streaming in through the window.

"That's it. Next outing-curtains. Heavy ones," Sirius mumbled, tossing off the blankets with a groan, and swinging his feet off the bed. He waited to hear Remus' soft chuckles, but none came, and upon further inspection found the other side of the bed empty and cold. He was already up, had been for awhile it seemed.

Sirius didn't have to look far to determine where the other boy had gone. One step out on the landing found his senses flooded with the sweet and wonderfully welcome scent of bacon and pancakes. Remus was at the sink with his back to him when Sirius entered the kitchen, humming a happy tune to himself while he washed the dishes without the help of magic.

"I was hoping to wake up next to you this morning," Sirius whispered softly wrapping his arms about the other boy's waist and kissing his neck affectionately.

"Oh," Remus jumped surprised. "I'm sorry. I thought maybe breakfast would be nice, and you looked so relaxed I didn't want to wake you up. Tomorrow morning," Remus asked hopefully.

"Sure," Sirius smiled, "I think I can be persuaded to take a raincheck." He reluctantly let go of Remus to invesitage the table. "Breakfast looks wonderful, forget the dishes for now and come eat with me." Remus wiped off his hands before taking his usual seat beside Sirius. He supposed unlike the Great Hall they had the table all to themselves, but he liked being close to him, and the way Sirius' free hand almost fell naturally into his lap seemed to confirm it. "When did you have time to get all this?"

"It's not much," Remus said quickly, blushing slightly. "I walked up to the corner shop, I didn't buy anything more than breakfast though. I figured we could get the rest when we go out later."

"Well it's amazing," Sirius praised after trying a forkful of everything. "You didn't have to do all this Remus."

"Not for you maybe-I'm surprised you are up before noon, but I was hungry." Sirius' booming laughter filled the kitchen and Remus couldn't help but feel like it belonged there. Remus thought he could have contentedly spent the morning, perhaps the day there in the kitchen with him, but their moment was interrupted by an insistent tapping at the window.

"Dad," Remus said surprised to Sirius' unasked question as he skimmed over the letter the owl had delivered. "He wants to know if we could make it over for dinner tonight."

"Oh, I wasn't expecting him to have us over so soon after break started."

"Me neither," Remus replied sounding a little disappointed. "Maybe he already has plans for Christmas."

"Hey, we'll have a terrific Christmas, even if it's you and me in this old place."

"Yeah," Remus replied reluctantly.

"Do you wanna go then?"

"No. I'm happier here with you, and I already know what he's going to say about it, but I was the one that offered the idea in the first place"Remus answered reluctantly, digging out a quill and some ink from the nearby cabinet to scribble out a reply. Sirius waited for him to deposit the lot on the table before, pulling him into a reassuring hug.

"That's why I'm going to be right there with you Remus."

"Yeah, he'd have to hear it sooner or later, I reckon."

* * *

"John Lupin," Remus' father said extending his hand to the boy who stood beside Remus on his step.

"Sirius Black, Sir," Sirius replied noticing John offered little more acknowledgement of his son than a brief nod in his direction.

"Yes, Remus has mentioned you before," John replied. "I was under the impression I might be meeting a young woman tonight."

"I'm gay," Remus blurted out. "Fuck," he cursed softly avoiding both his father's and his stunned companion's eyes.

"you better come inside," John managed evenly. "Now," he continued when they had all taken their seats in the living room. "Care to run that one by me again son?"

"i'm sorry Dad, I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that. I was nervous and I..."

"What did you say out there on the porch," John interrupted.

"I said, I'm gay Dad."

"I see. So this boy with you..."

"Sirius," Remus corrected quietly.

"Sirius," John amended. " He's your..."

"Boyfriend," Remus squeaked nodding.

"I'm in love with your son sir," Sirius added earnestly, gently taking Remus' hand in his and offering it a reassuring squeeze. John turned to Remus who nodded.

"Dad..." Remus started uncertainly.

"So you said you were spending the holiday looking for a place to live after school."

"Yeah," Remus nodded swallowing."

"Well I have always wanted you to have your independence, but I don't understand how Dumbledore expects you'll ever be able to pay him back rent."

"I'll do what I have to," Remus replied. "I'll take a muggle post if I have to." No you won't, Sirius thought, not if I have anything to say about it, but he said nothing. It would be counterproductive to seem like anything other than a united front right now, this was for another private discussion.

"And you think that wise," John probed critically.

"I think it would make me happy," Remus replied honestly, sounding much more certain.

"And you," John continued turning back to Sirius. "Would be living with him then?"

"I would sir," Sirius replied honestly.

"Dad I know this is an adjustment, but..."

"No it's not," John replied shaking his head disgustedly.

"What?"

"You think I didn't know? There's nothing to adjust to Remus, I'll tell you the very same thing I told your mother it's unacceptable. If this is the choice you've made then you are no son of mine."

"Mum knew," Remus choked, his head reeling. John ignored him standing from his lounge chair. "Dad," Remus pleaded, tearing up. "Please I... Why would I choose this?"

"I wish I knew Remus, I always hoped it was something you'd grow out of sooner or later, but I think it's best the two of you leave now."

"Dad," Remus tried again unsuccessfully.

"Sir," Sirius attempted still holding Remus' now trembling hand as they stood.

"I have nothing more to say to either of you. Remus you may collect your things while you're here. Sounds like you have it all figured out for yourself, I can't see any reason for you to come back here this summer." The boy's continued protests fell upon deaf ears as John retreated down the hall to his study and closed the door behind him.

* * *

"Remus, let me in," Sirius whispered his foot had only just managed to stop him closing the door of his childhood room on him. Remus shook against the door. Sirius wasn't just asking Remus to open the door, but to let him into his heart as well, to confide in him. He'd never spoken about his family much, especially after he'd lost his mother. True Sirius knew more than the other marauders, but he'd never actually expected his father to disown him. And his mother had known? What had she thought about his being gay? Why had she never spoken to him about it?

"Remus, please don't shut me out mate," Sirius tried again. Bugger, what was he supposed to say? That he didn't give a damn what his dad said or thought about them? It was true, but clearly Remus did. Finally the weight on his foot shifted and the door opened to reveal a tearful Remus levitating his things into a small trunk. "Remus," Sirius whispered sympathetically. The other boy didn't acknowledge him, continuing to pack. "Remus let that for a minute, come here," he whispered trying to pull himi into a hug. Remus ducked out of it.

"Not now, I'll fall apart," he whispered sniffing.

"That's okay, I'll catch you."

"No, I wanna get out of here."

"Okay, let me help," Sirius agreed, helping to levitate the last of his things into the trunk before shrinking it and placing it in his pocket.

Remus took his hand without argument and allowed him to apparate them back to Godric's Hollow.

"That was almost as pleasant as my chat with my mum before I left to live with Prongs," Sirius chuckled trying to lighten the mood. Remus said nothing. "Remus, what are you thinking mate?"

"He kicked me out."

"I'm sorry Remus, but you know if that's how he feels about it then you wouldn't want to live in that house anyway."

"I expected it would go poorly, but I didn't think... But whatever Remus had thought he couldn't bring himself to say, shaking his head and fighting back another wave of tears.

"Sit," Sirius instructed, gently pushing Remus onto the couch and lighting a fire in the grate with a flick of his wand. "Would you like some tea," Sirius asked cautiously.

Remus offered a weak smile at Sirius' attempt to be domestic. Merlin only knew what the kitchen might look like after he was through with it. Remus shook his head.

"What can I do Remus, how can I help you?"

"Nothing, sit here with me. Hold me?"

"I'll make you a deal," Sirius smiled reassuringly taking a seat beside him. "I'll hold you if you let yourself cry." Remus shook his head. "Why not?"

"I'm an ugly crier."

"Remus, I've seen you cry. Hell I've made you cry. And there's nothing you could do that would make you ugly."

"you're supposed to say that."

"Sure, but that doesn't make it any less true," Sirius whispered, gently brushing the boy's tawny mussed hair. "Let it out, you'll feel better." The dam broke and Remus collapsed into Sirius' chest.

"I have no one," Remus choked through sobs. "No family..." Sirius shook his head pulling Remus closer to his chest.

"Of course you do Remus. You have James, and Peter, and Me. We're your family. We're here for you, we love you, we're not leaving you. I'm yours Remus, always," Sirius whispered softly kissing his cheek. "Always," he repeated as Remus hiccuped.

The pair never made it back to their new bed. Remus fell asleep on the couch in Sirius' arms shortly after his tears had subsided. Sirius watched him sleep for sometime after feeling a protective surge rush through him. Sirius too had hoped for better with John Lupin, even if he and Remus' relationship had always been a little strained. It broke his heart to see Remus in such pain and he found himself vowing to do whatever he could to see it never happened again, even though he knew it was an impossible task.

"Always," Sirius whispered to the room before nestling into the couch beside Remus and fell asleep.


End file.
